Woods vs Suburbia: Horror Hits Home
I’m going to start this out by telling you a little bit about what it was like for me growing up. I’m not going to get into anything such as puberty or my stunning good looks as a kid, but I will tell you folks a bit about my childhood environment. I lived in the woods. Like the real fucking woods. The Blair Witch woods if you get my drift.
Yes, throughout the entirety of my development years I lived on a little plot of land with the rest of my family surrounded by deep and dark woods. Dirt roads, broken down buildings, shotgunned road signs. Basically, we were the family from The Witch, except you know, in modern times (if you count the late 80’s and early 90’s as modern).
Also, all due respect but let me put this out there: I’m not a redneck, I swear. Again, no disrespect, just letting you know the facts of the situation. My parents (one from New York and the other from Miami) chose to raise their little ones far from the crime and grime of larger cities. And what a nice gesture that was; I spent the vast majority of my childhood hiking through the deep, dark woods and camping out under the stars.
Great stuff, right!? Well, it WAS… until I started watching horror movies.
What I am laying out here is a theory I have been working on for years now. It says kids who grew up in the woods (like me) are more inclined to be afraid of certain horror movies, while kids that grew up in suburbia are more inclined to love other horror flicks. This is because horror always hits hardest when it hits home. If the woods are foreign to you there is almost no fear to be rung from the flicks that feature trees for days. Just don’t go into the woods and you’ll be safe.
And the same goes for us kids that grew up out in the woods. Suburban horror films only presented dangers to the other kids we knew in school. Michael Myers and the ghouls of Poltergeist were no concern of ours. We were safe and sound with Jason and gaggles upon gaggles of witches and boogens hiding just outside the porch light in our backyards.
Let me lay out a few examples.
Friday the 13th vs Halloween
While this is a hard pick for me, I will always stand on the side of saying that Sean S. Cunningham’s Friday the 13th is far scarier than John Carpenter’s classic Halloween. Blasphemy! Not really, there are – as we all know – many similarities between the two films and even Cunnigham himself has long admitted his film is a straight rip-off of Carpenter’s. But as a kid and/or young teen watching these movies, the idea of a rip-off or homage never enters the brain. I only knew the two films towed the same line of POV killers, and boobs and blood (camp counselors, after all, are the babysitters of summer).
Also, let it be known that I’m talking about these film FRANCHISES, not just there original incarnations. I mean, sure it was great when Michael finally hit the outskirts of Haddonfield in Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers. But until that day came along, Michael was something I only worried about when I was sleeping over at a friend’s house on a shady, tree-cover lane. And I know when those same friends stayed the night at my house, they were all of the sudden stricken with a super-fear of the man in the hockey mask.
And with that state of mind intact, Jason beats Michael. But let’s go with a “better” example before you run off.
The Blair Witch Project vs Paranormal Activity
While the debate over whether Friday the 13th is scarier than Halloween is a bit hard to come across, there seems to be a constant back-and-forth going on over which of these found footage films is the most nightmare inducing. And I’m pretty sure that my Woods vs Suburbia theory holds the key to this argument. Yes, there are people out there that don’t find either of these films scary, but those are usually people who have a major hangup regarding found footage. And fair enough. It works for me, but no one said you have to buy into the onscreen antics.
Again, this does NOT mean that me and my fellow wood-dwellers don’t find Paranormal Activity scary – far from it. Yes, I know without a doubt that The Blair Witch Project is THE scariest movie I have ever seen, but Blumhouse’s Paranormal Activity runs a close goddamn second. I know the fear of getting lost in the woods all too well and I know the primal fear associated with being in the woods at night and hearing something that sounds like it could only be the devil himself stomping through the tall grass. I know these fears, I’ve lived them. Demons in a townhouse? That’s a bit more foreign to me.
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There are many other examples of this Woods vs Suburbia theory such as Wes Craven’s Scream vs Wes Craven’s A Nightmare on Elm Street. But these start to get a bit muddy as the films are “about” fears separated by their environments (to a degree).
Also, let it be known that it’s more than okay to find Halloween scary as shit even though you lived in the woods and vice-versa with Friday the 13th. This is not an exact science, mind you. This is merely a fun theory to keep in mind during your next debate session with a group of friends. Hope you enjoyed it!
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