POLTERGEISTS: Our True Sequel to Spielberg and Hooper’s Classic
“They’re STILL Here.”
Recently we were hit with the news that not only is MGM in the process of rebooting Child’s Play but they are also in development along with director Neill Blomkamp on a direct sequel to RoboCop called RoboCop Returns.
And is with this in mind, we’re thinking that MGM is going to be rebooting and/or sequelizing most if not ALL of their top films within the next few years. And one of MGM’s biggest titles currently in their collective cannon is Steven Spielberg and Tobe Hooper’s supernatural family-drama classic Poltergeist.
Now I know what you’re saying: “But Poltergeist has already been rebooted!” Yes, but so has RoboCop and THAT didn’t seem to stop MGM from moving forward with their new film. So it’s with THIS in mind, we’re going to put on our terror thinking caps and get to figuring out just how MGM could reboot Poltergeist (yet again). But this time, we’re going to figure out how they can pull it off successfully. If you’re all settled in and ready for some storytime, then I’ll begin.
We open on a small suburban house at night. All is calm. All is peaceful. A cat (instead of the family dog) wanders through the house and we meet the family that lives in this homely abode one-by-one. There is the little girl, the little boy, the teenage son, the mother… but where’s the father? We’ll get to that in a bit. Anyhow, it’s a quiet night and then – boom – the family hears a noise. It’s coming from across the street.
They gather together in the living room as the sound gets crazier and crazier. Lights are flashing like a fucking magic show outside. They all rush out to see: A family station wagon hauling all the ass down the street. Our new family turns to see the Freeling’s home from the original film being sucked into nothingness. Wild, crazy light show. Intense music. Booming sound effects. Then – bop – the Freeling’s house is gone. Dead quiet. Crickets chirp. The new family stands in stunned silence. Hold. Then, title card:
P O L T E R G E I S T S
Note the “S” at the end. Yes, just like such classics as Aliens and Predators, this new film is simply the original title but pluralized. Simple and effective. Also, our pitch is not a reboot. Or a reimagining. Or whatever. Like MGM’s upcoming RoboCop Returns, and Blumhouse’s upcoming Halloween, this new film will be a direct sequel to the original film. This movie follows a new family coming to grips with the fact that they just saw their neighbor’s house disappear. Plus there is a team of sinister scientists (we only ever see as flashlights and silhouettes ala Spielberg’s E.T.) searching the grounds of the old Freeling place late at night.
And then all the weird shit starts happening again. Only this time, it starts happening to the entire neighborhood. Hell, it might even make things more interesting if our new family has the only house on the block that ISN’T haunted. That could isolate them and give a reason for them not leaving. It would also cause tons of drama with the other residents of the neighborhood, and it also makes for a killer mystery: Why won’t ghosts haunt our house? The answer, I assure you, is more horrific than anything the original movie’s ghosts and ghouls could ever conjure. But we’re not going to tell you what that secret is, you’ll just have to use your imaginations. Moo-Haha.
To not be a total dick here, let us give you a hint at what’s really going on in this new film. As I mentioned above, this new family our story revolves around are sans a father figure. This is so the new movie can carry on the subtext plot of the original – that it is all a metaphor for divorce. So if the original film was a meditation on the beginnings of a divorce creeping through a family, then it only makes sense that this sequel should take it to the next step and have the divorce already in place. It all works with the plot as is anyhow. After all, as mentioned above, the big crux of the film is a family dealing with the knowledge that their neighbor’s house just disappeared in the middle of the night. The family loses something HUGE right in front of their eyes as the film begins. This is fodder for subtext for days.
Another cool aspect that we’d like to introduce in this new film would be the ability for people in this neighborhood to travel through strange portals like from the original film – in TVs and closets, and whatnot – into other people’s homes. This would not only create some super-creepy moments in the first acts of the film but once the shit hits the fan, can you imagine how cool a big-time ghostly spectacle would be if it literally included every house on the block – as if connected as one giant super haunted house? Yeah, it would be badass.
So I guess this pitch only needs one final thing: An answer to that nagging question you all might have – “Why would the entire neighborhood stay AFTER seeing the Freeling’s house sucked into the deepest voids of Hell?!” Not that we really need to, but we’ll go ahead and give an answer to that question. The government is now aware that there is intense paranormal activity going on in this suburb (remember the sinister scientists from earlier?) so they pay all of the residents to stay. We’re talking BIG-TIME hush money here. Then, once the supernatural shit hits the fan, the government locks them down ala The Blob. Sounds like a plan to me!
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And there you have it. That’s our pitch for a solid direct sequel to Steven Spielberg and Tobe Hooper’s classic Poltergeist. What did you think of this article? Make sure to hit us up and let us know what you think in the comments below or on Facebook, Twitter, and/or Instagram!
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