5 Movies Where The Cold Was The True Evil
I like the idea of winter but not the real-life experience of being cold. Yeah, it’s fun to get under some blankets and nod off watching comfort horror movies. However, dry skin, bills increases incurred by trying to stay warm, and having to brave awful weather are not so fun. This is why I think some of the movies that upset me the most are the ones that take place in winter. There’s something extra upsetting about having to battle monsters on ice. Or surviving a plague and then having to go out into a tundra. There are never any real winners in these scenarios and that’s what inspired this streaming guide. As someone who would throw their hands up and say, “!” I felt like we should revisit these characters that fought these frosty battles.
I hope you call out of work and check out these 5 Movies Where The Cold Was The True Evil. You deserve it.
30 Days of Night (2007)
Where You Can Watch: Pluto TV
Vampires show up as a town begins their regularly scheduled thirty days of night. I’m not made about thirty days without sunlight, what I am made about is rude ass vampires showing up in Alaska. Even with an American education, I know that Alaska is too cold for basics like myself. Having to endure that kind of cold with rude ass vampires causing property damage seems like a new circle of hell! At one point the remaining survivors were trying to get supplies during a blizzard and I honestly think I would’ve just given up there. Like, honestly I don’t know if snow or vampires are worse but I know I don’t want to face them both in a cold bloody combo.
The Children (2008)
Where You Can Watch: The Roku Channel, Tubi, and Vudu
The children turn on the adults while on vacation. I don’t do cold weather or children, so this is a hard no for me. Every time I watched another child emerge from a vehicle I shook my head because being cold is bad enough without enough kids to get through half a performance of Matilda. I. Was. Stressed. Then they had the nerve to chase the adults around this snowy home and I was so happy that this could never be me. While the moms are rocking open coats while searching for their murderous spawn, there is way too much snow for me to think this is a part of England I need to be in at this time of year.
Crimson Peak (2015)
Where You Can Watch: Netflix
A woman joins her new husband at his extravagantly haunted family home. While this is a beautiful film to look at there is no way in hell I would partake in sharing a drafty and deadly castle. It’s too cold for everything that happens at this estate but especially too cold for betrayal and ghosts-in-law. Screw a gothic romance, I want her to get a gothic divorce when Edith (played by Mia Wasikowska) walks into this home and sees that it’s snowing because of a giant hole in the roof. No one should have to risk pneumonia for an aesthetic even if Tom Hiddleston is part of the aesthetic.
The Lodge (2019)
Where You Can Watch: Hulu
Soon after traumatic events, a woman gets stranded with her fiancé’s two children in a remote cabin. This cabin is set in a place too cold and snowy for any nonsense, let alone possibly supernatural mischief. I again think it’s too cold to have to take care of kids on top of being possibly haunted. The fact that these kids are grieving but also spawns of Satan means they require way too much energy in this temperature. I would have tapped out and broken off the engagement just for being invited to this cold grief trip. It is a great movie, so I’m happy the characters aren’t based on people like me who would’ve done a hard pass on this death lodge.
The Thaw (2009)
Where You Can Watch: Tubi and Vudu
A group of scientists go to the Arctic and discover a deadly parasite. These people went to a place known for being cold for whomst? I’m in the Midwest and thinking of a place with glaciers makes me want to call out of my virtual meeting to pitch this article. So, I know the last thing I want to see are bugs riding in on a glacier to kill me and my group of friends. This movie opened with them pulling a bug out of a woman’s forehead and I almost turned it off. This is not my favorite on the list but it is by far the grossest. Plus there was a bonus Val Kilmer sighting which is not something I often see in my horror movie binges.
Let me know if you agree that it was too cold for all of this shit at @misssharai.
Categorized:Editorials Streaming Guides
