‘The Haunting of Bly Manor’ Embodies the Fear of Being Out
The Haunting of Bly Manor depicts au pair Dani and her messy, heart-wrenching experience of coming out. Throughout the show, Dani struggles with the trauma of losing her fiancé, Eddie, whilst carrying guilt towards her own sexuality. Many ghosts haunt Bly Manor, but the only one that can be truly vanquished is the one in Dani’s mind.
The idea of coming out to other people has been labelled as an outdated practise in recent years. But the process of coming out to ourselves is much more complex. Dani is a lesbian woman who slipped into a life of heteronormativity. Her relationship with her ex-fiance Eddie followed the trappings of idealised cliches as childhood best friends became high school sweethearts. So, the next logical step for her was marriage.
As she’s swept up in the routine of a ‘normal’ life, it became harder and harder to be herself. Unfortunately, when she does have the courage to come out, she is met with the trauma of Eddie’s death. Before his tragic death, he yells at Dani, “why are you doing this to me?” It’s as though her coming out is a direct attack on him. Unfortunately, his reaction is not uncommon. Many homophobic people view queerness as offensive, or even as a form of attack on their character, even though this is completely false.
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However, Eddie’s ghost doesn’t pose an immediate threat to Dani. Even looming over her with those big headlight eyes, she doesn’t fear what he will do to her. She fears what he is: a reminder. For many queer people, when coming out doesn’t go well there is a trauma attached to the experience. Dani’s trauma is manifested in this ghost version of Eddie. He’s a reminder of all the bad that came with her coming out. When those around us are not accepting it makes it difficult for us to accept ourselves.
Dani’s inability to accept herself is manifested through Eddie appearing whenever she looks into the mirror. Every time we look in the mirror, we have to see ourselves. For Dani, that becomes difficult as she is unable to accept herself. So she covers the mirror. Effectively, she tries to hide from her sexuality and the negative trauma attached to it in the form of Eddie. But, the reality is that we can’t run from who we are. Eventually, Dani has to look in the mirror and accept herself.
Although Eddie represents the trauma of coming out, he is also a metaphor for the rest of society judging Dani’s sexual preference. This all comes to a head when she is kissing Bly’s female groundskeeper Jamie, and Eddie appears, watching them. For queer people struggling with their identity, being seen by an outsider while kissing someone of the same sex can be unsettling and confronting. Throughout their relationships and coming to terms with their identities, queer people have had to contend with a lot of judgement, which Eddie represents at this moment.
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After Dani kisses Jamie, she finally begins to accept herself for who she is. She confronts Eddie, tossing his glasses into the fire. The glasses themselves act as a metaphor for removing his negative, judging view of her from her life. She tells him, “it’s just you and me then.” Rather than turning away from him or trying to conceal what he represents, she allows herself to look straight at him and not be afraid anymore. The scene is a perfectly executed moment of acceptance of who she is, of her trauma, and how she refuses to hide from it anymore. Letting go of the token in the glasses allows her to stop holding on to the old ‘easier’ life she once had and live honestly with herself.
After this point, Eddie doesn’t return to the mirrors. Dani allows herself to be out in the manor. In spite of all the horrors Bly entails, it is a safe space for Dani and Jamie to be out and together, without any judgement from the living or the dead. This concept, although small in the series, presents one of the most important factors in being openly out.
In the final episode, Dani’s life with Jamie after leaving Bly is shown to the audiences. They own a flower shop and live in a home together. Eventually Dani proposes to Jamie with the sweetest line for the time “I know we can’t technically get married but I don’t really care. We can wear the rings, and we’ll know.” The line itself is a stark departure from the Dani at the beginning of the show, who was unable to even accept herself. Now, she is able to comfortably live an open life in a happy lesbian relationship.
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In Dani’s tragic demise, it could be seen that the show has fallen into the unhealthy bury-you- gays trope. But, The Haunting of Bly Manor presents a different perspective to the trope in which the queer person is killed just at the moment of happiness. Instead, Dani and Jamie get thirteen years together. They live a happy life for a long time before Dani sacrifices herself to the lady of the lake. In Dani’s death and Jamie’s grieving process, the pair present the loss of a loved one in an honest and raw way that everyone can relate to. What is most unique about the scenario of Dani’s experience is the way she was able to live an open life until the end.
Coming out, whether internally or externally, is a difficult experience that comes with a whole host of traumas. Through Dani’s experience, The Haunting of Bly Manor perfectly conveys how coming out is not as simple as telling a person our sexual preferences. It is a complex internal experience. But, the show conveys the idea that where there is past trauma there can also be love and happiness.
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