8 Bloody Movies To Watch Before Booking That Cabin In The Woods
Spring is in the air, and many of you are thinking about making the mistake of renting cabins in the middle of nowhere. I have never understood trying to chase away winter cabin fever by stranding yourself in an isolated place. However, I do enjoy horror movies that are aware that is the perfect scenario for some wild shit to go down. That’s why I’m here with a streaming guide of chaotic cabin getaways. Hopefully, this will make you think twice before running off to the forest with some rando you swiped right on last week. I do it because I care y’all…and I’m a lowkey ruiner of a good time. Here are eight movies that confirm cabins are dangerous, demonic, and damn sure not for me. Let’s go!
A Wounded Fawn (2022)
Where You Can Watch: AMC+ and Shudder
A serial killer takes his next target to an isolated cabin, but things do not go according to his plan. Firstly, I’m still salty that Sarah Lind and Josh Ruben didn’t walk away with some trophies for their performances in this weird little shindig. Secondly, This is a very strong example to stop looking at cabins on Airbnb and stay your ass at home. It’s not even safe out there for serial killers anymore. If the people who planned to be the problem are getting jumped in the woods, what do you think will happen to the rest of us? While you’re revisiting this title and picking up that lesson, it’s also giving us a little crash course in Greek mythology. You won’t get that outside in a deathtrap without wifi. I’m going to open my curtains and rewatch this from the comfort of my apartment with all three of the amenities I pay for.
The Cabin In The Woods (2011)
Where You Can Watch: Hulu
A group of friends head to a remote cabin, but their good times end when they start getting killed. This movie plays on the cabin in the woods tropes and manages to sneak in a variety of threats that await the gang in the woods. The only thing worse than being hunted by one person/creature is having a team of scientists sending all of them your way. Sadly, it makes sense Joss Whedon would know a lot about monsters. This movie is still one of the funniest explorations of this location-specific subgenre. Every monster is a reminder that we don’t belong in nature anymore and should stay in our lane.
The Evil Dead (1981)
Where You Can Watch: AMC+
Five friends head to a cabin and run into flesh-possessing demons. This movie is a lot of fun and blood, but it also teaches two important lessons. 1) Don’t go into the woods. 2) Don’t touch weird shit you find in the cabin in the woods that you wouldn’t be at if you had learned the first lesson. While most of this franchise doubles down on these two truths, few movies drive them home as well as the original. Literally, nothing good happens to this group the second they arrive at their destination. Things go so far off the rails that we forget Ash brought his sister as a fifth wheel to what seems to be a couples’ getaway in hell. Speaking of his sister, I wouldn’t be me if I did not drop a sexual assault content warning.
Evil Dead (2013)
Where You Can Watch: Pluto TV
Five friends head to a cabin and discover the Book of The Dead, which puts them on the path to battling human-possessing demons. Fede Álvarez knew remaking/reimagining Sam Raimi’s baby would be difficult. So, he added a lot of batshit scenes and coated it all in extra blood. Instead of the sister being a fifth wheel to a bone-a-thon, she’s the reason for the event as she’s trying to detox in the middle of nowhere. This remake throws a lot of the source material out, but for some reason, keeps the tree assault. So, I have to hit the sexual assault content warning again.
Friday The 13th (1980)
Where You Can Watch: Max
The grand reopening of Camp Crystal Lake comes to a halt when camp counselors start dropping like flies. Pamela Voorhees proves that even older ladies will get wild in the woods. You thought she and her comfortable outfit might offer you some hard candy, but she’s here to wreck your cabin and stab a young Kevin Bacon. This is another franchise that stands ten toes down when telling us to stay the hell out of the woods. Until Jason took a long cruise to Manhattan, every entry was a new batch of people learning this lake was not their friend. The first two movies are the most solid of the franchise, and both entries are streaming on Max this month.
The Lodge (2019)
Where You Can Watch: Max
A woman is stranded in a cabin with her fiancé’s two children as frightening and unexplainable things torment her. I love this movie, but going to a cabin and bringing kids is a nesting doll of party fouls. This could never be me because I don’t do kids. While I’m happy to watch these two spawns of Satan fuck around and find out, I can’t help judging everyone in this movie every time I watch it. Another thing that sets this apart from most cabin fever titles I have here is that it takes place during a blizzard. I hate the heat, but at least you can think about walking to safety during warmer months. However, if you are snowed in with evil, you’re just screwed. These stakes are too high and too damn cold!
Misery (1990)
Where You Can Watch: VOD
A famous author survives a car crash only to wake up in the cabin of his number one fan. To be fair, Paul Sheldon (the late James Caan) didn’t ask to be in Annie Wilkes’s (Kathy Bates) cabin of horrors. He was simply driving too close to nature and got snatched into a wild mess. As a writer, we always want to meet people who read our work, but not like this. This movie is stressful, claustrophobic, and chilling. It’s also a shockingly strong reminder that I never need to set foot in a cabin. Don’t invite me to this kind of writer retreat because I don’t want any part of this shit.
Slumber Party Massacre (2021)
Where You Can Watch: AMC+ and Shudder
A slumber party turns into a bloodbath in this reimagining of The Slumber Party Massacre. I love this film, and how it combines and contorts the first two movies in this woman-helmed franchise. I don’t want to spoil how it differs from the original, but I really liked how prepared the girls were for this deadly trip. Sadly, our cabin of baddies ran into some serious problems that even they couldn’t have planned on. While the cabin of himbos nearby is a nice touch, it’s not enough for me to risk the life and limbs of my squad. Nature is scary enough without a driller killer running around, and I would’ve removed myself from this narrative.
Did I miss your favorite cabin set horror movie on this list? Because I know some of mine didn’t make this round. Excuse me while I look longingly at You Might Be The Killer and Scare Me. Tell me your favorite examples of cabin fever at @misssharai.
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