5 Horror Movies That Confirm Sometimes Staying Single Is Better
I’ve seen Heart Eyes, and unfortunately for all of you, I loved it. When I love something, I have to make it everyone’s problem. I also noticed that this weekend is Valentine’s Day. So, it felt like a good time to ruin romance in the form of a streaming guide. While I have done this once or twice before, I still have too many movies that encourage singles to never mingle. This week, I spent too much time wondering if I should highlight movies where couples are in danger. Looking at A Perfect Getaway, Bride of Chucky, and The Strangers. Or, if I should remind you, why agreeing to go to a second location with a man (some of you call this a weekend getaway) is dangerous! Stares right into the camera at A Wounded Fawn, Fresh, and Significant Other.
However, in the end, I ended up with a much more chaotic list of movies that hit me right in my little commitment-phobic heart. If you feel a way about being single, watch these movies and celebrate that you are not fist-fighting your mutating partner or getting shoved off cliffs. You are watching your shows in peace while many people have swiped right on the wrong one. I present to you, Single Pringles, five movies to watch after Heart Eyes that remind you to stay single during this terrifying time of year.
He Knows You’re Alone (dir. Armand Mastroianni)
Where You Can Watch: VOD
A bride-to-be becomes the next target of a serial killer who doesn’t want her to walk down the aisle. This movie was Tom Hanks’ first film role, which is ironic because most of his career highlights are popular romcoms like Sleepless in Seattle. However, I thought of this movie while watching Heart Eyes because it asks women to reconsider marriage. That’s the thesis of all cinema, and you don’t have to fact-check that. This killer’s methods were extreme, but if the blushing bride-to-be had listened to her inner monologue telling her that she was about to make a huge mistake by getting married, she would not have had to fight off a psycho trying to take down the wedding industry. So, watch He Knows You’re Alone before you get engaged. It might save your life.
I love this movie because it’s the slasher that many of our favorite slashers reference. This means it is in the DNA of so many movies we love, and it makes my nerdy little horror brain sing every rewatch. So, it is not just here representing slashers that want to stay single. He Knows You’re Alone is also here as a weird little cornerstone of one of my favorite subgenres.
Kill Your Lover (dir. Alix Austin and Keir Siewert)
Where You Can Watch: Fandango At Home, Plex, The Roku Channel, and Tubi
A couple nearing the end of their relationship discovers that breaking up is not the worst thing that can happen to them. Kill Your Lover is an indie body horror break-up movie that is too cool for school. This film reminds you that leaving a situationship is sometimes for the best. It also gives a gross example of how staying in bad relationships can transform us into the worst version of ourselves.
This movie is the ultimate reminder that being single really isn’t the end of the world. Because it’s body horror, it is a disgusting message that really leaves a lasting impression. When the flesh is done burning, and the screaming stops, you’ll be glad you are alone this weekend. From a logistical standpoint, you’ll also be happy you are not part of this couple. They will never get the security deposit back for this apartment they destroyed, and both might be put on a couple of watchlists.
The Loved Ones (dir. Sean Byrne)
Where You Can Watch: VOD
A high schooler turns down his classmate’s invitation to prom. However, she does not let that stop her from having an unforgettable evening with the boy of her dreams. First off, I love Lola (Robin McLeavy) and think this is one of my favorite Australian horror movies. So, I will always take any excuse to make people watch this bloody time.
Second, getting snatched up and tortured because you tried to sidestep a date is wild. That is a whole new WTF level in this dating-equals-murder essay (a.k.a. streaming guide) that I am writing. It is not even safe to be on someone’s radar anymore. I might never leave my home again. In the game of love, even being perceived by a suitor can end with you losing body parts. I think about that every time I rewatch The Loved Ones. I also appreciate this movie because of the gender reversal in this tale of being the object of obsession. We see this story in the news all the time. However, it is usually some guy doing something awful, resulting in society blaming the girl who unwittingly saved her life by turning him down.
The Prowler (dir. Joseph Zito)
Where You Can Watch: AMC+, Fandango At Home, Prime Video, Shudder, and Tubi
A small town was rocked by an unsolved double murder. 35 years later, the unknown killer strikes during the annual graduation dance. Could I have put Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives and respected the confirmed vibe of Heart Eyes? Obviously. Could I have inserted My Bloody Valentine like everyone else? Yes. However, I chose this 80s gem because I want to say something blasphemous. I think it is a better movie than My Bloody Valentine.
While I’m raising your blood pressure, I also want to point out that we do not talk about The Prowler enough as a society. Think about it! A World War II veteran murders his girlfriend (and her new boyfriend) because she dumped him. He then skulks around town for over 30 years before deciding a new generation can also catch hands. Not only does this movie want you to be single, but it also makes you wonder if your uncles have alibis when local crimes are committed. Or are they out there pitchforking the people because they think that’s easier than therapy? I am stressed!
What Keeps You Alive (dir. Colin Minihan)
Where You Can Watch: AMC+
A married couple heads to a secluded cabin to celebrate their first anniversary. The idyllic lake setting is a perfect backdrop for betrayal and violence as Jules realizes her wife is not the person she thought she married. I felt as if I was suffocating as I watched this and immediately put it in the never-get-married subgenre of horror. What Keeps You Alive is a terrifying reminder that we can never really know anyone. It also proves that agreeing to go to a second location does not get safer just because you are married.
If I wasn’t afraid of commitment before watching this grudge match, I would have been after the first 40 minutes. If you’re still not sold on being single, hit play on this underseen gem today. It is a reminder that every kill begins with Kay for those who do not spend enough time on Lifetime Movie Network.
This list proves that the safest thing we can do is stay single. However, you should also catch Heart Eyes in theaters now for a more recent example of why dating is murder. I advise you to take a platonic friend. Someone you do not have any chemistry with. Just to be safe…
Are you also marking yourself safe and alone this Valentine’s weekend? Then find me on Bluesky so we can keep trading genre movies that encourage us to stay single!
Categorized:Editorials Streaming Guides
