Ranking the Halloween Franchise from Best to Worst
Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers Producer’s Cut: The producer’s cut of the sixth film in the Halloween franchise is not only borderline fantastic, it’s also so radically superior to the theatrical take that contemplating the decision to release that trash that hit theaters becomes a head-scratching, totally perplexing task. Why in the world the decision was made to shelf this story in favor of that other one is hard to grasp. See, like John Carpenter’s epic first picture, this rendition of The Curse of Michael Myers relies on mystery and drawn-out single shots. It eliminates the emphasis on graphic gore as well and affords the Jamie Lloyd character the respectable exit she deserves. It is, in short, a very respectful and honorable nod to the living legend, John Carpenter. When it all comes down to it, this particular spin on the film puts the theatrical version to total and complete shame; it’s one of the true finest in the entire franchise, believe it or not.
Halloween H20: Halloween H20 brings a fine aesthetic strength to moviegoers. It also features an excellent cast that consists of a returning Jamie Lee Curtis, Josh Hartnett, Adam Arkin, Michelle Williams, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, the surprisingly polished rapper-turned-thespian LL Cool J, and the great Janet Leigh – mother to Curtis – herself. But this is a picture that offers up a whole hell of a lot of additional intrigue. The story – handled by Robert Zappia and Matt Greenberg – is a surprisingly tight tale, with very few loose ends to scowl at and even fewer illogical decisions to force a head-shake. There aren’t too many plot holes to deal with, and the continuity and cohesiveness of the flick is great. Curtis’ character is headstrong and likable, and the death scenes are generally satisfying. While the film lacks a bit of the Halloween atmosphere we all no doubt crave, it’s still a very successful picture that packs a powerful final reel and introduces a few characters that will always be respected in the Halloween universe.
Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers: And here’s the point at which the franchise begins to take a very noticeable hit in quality. Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers has a lot of good things going for it, including a credible seasonal vibe and a sharp Myers mask. The focal gang of protagonists are generally likable, and the brutality of the picture is going to please those who need unforgiving violence from their Halloween flicks. It’s not a bad film per se; however, it does feel a bit gratuitous from time to time, and the closing moments and final showdown with Michael leave a little bit to be desired. While The Return of Michael Myers is very serviceable, ultimately it lacks a little bit of the mystique showcased in some of the stronger franchise features.
Halloween (RZ): Rob Zombie gets a lot of credit for stepping out onto an unstable limb and attempting to actually flesh the story of Michael Myers out a bit more. Up to this point the time Michael spent in a psychiatric ward was largely left to the imagination of the viewer. But Rob actually takes us inside the sanitarium, where we see Michael gradually grow to be a truly heartless monster. That internal examination works surprisingly well. What doesn’t work is the dreadful pacing. What Zombie essentially does is stuff two films into one. It doesn’t entirely work. To take us inside Smith’s Grove is wonderful, and there’s a big story to be told there, which we all wanted to see. But to pull Myers from the sanitarium halfway through the film only to give us a complete rehash of the happenings of John Carpenter’s original feels like way too much; two full-sized packages stuffed into a rather small box. This movie doesn’t function under any standard setup. This isn’t a three-act film, or even a four-act film; it feels like there are a half dozen acts to take in, and that absolutely demolishes the continuity of the picture. It doesn’t feel cohesive, and that’s a damn shame because there’s a wealth of promise to behold in the first 45 minutes.
