Ranking the Halloween Franchise from Best to Worst
Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers: The good thing about the fifth film in the Halloween franchise is that it feels like an adequate follow-up to Halloween 4. Unfortunately, beyond that, it’s not a shining installment in any way. The on-screen performances feel half-hearted, with Donald Pleasence providing the lone spirited showing; the story feels atypically lazy; and the conclusion of the film is just embarrassing. Somehow director Dominique Othenin-Girard even fails to capture the essence of the holiday… a major no-no. Now, if you’re as dedicated to the franchise as I am, you’ll happily tune in to this one, but you’re likely doing so for your annual Michael Myers dose and nothing more. John Carpenter’s mesmerizing creation slips deeper into the pool of forgetfulness with this one, but believe it or not, it still gets worse. Much worse.
Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers: There was ambition in The Curse of Michael Myers; that much cannot be denied. Screenwriter Daniel Farrands makes a valiant attempt at adding some intricate layers to the story, and he also makes a run at appealing to fans of Carpenter’s original by reintroducing Tommy Doyle, now grown, informed, and extremely paranoid. But all the cult nonsense comes across as astoundingly convoluted, so much so that it becomes rather easy to find your attention shifting from the film to… well, just about anything else because unfortunately, just about anything else is more interesting than this story. The gore has been ratcheted up to unnecessary levels, and while Dimension may have felt that would charm moviegoers, the truth is it is just blatantly lame, gratuitous silliness. The producer’s cut of this picture (which ranks fourth on this list) is immeasurably stronger so if you’re looking to sit back and enjoy a Halloween marathon, bypass the theatrical version in favor of the producer’s cut. The difference is night and day.
Halloween II (RZ): Rob Zombie delivers some mixed goods. Sometimes his work comes across as absolutely riveting, and sometimes it feels utterly devoid of direction or calculated restraint. Halloween II fits into the latter category. It’s plagued by some dreadful pacing (much like Rob’s first go at the Halloween brand, the flick feels completely misstructured); unnecessary, dramatic, and unlikable character changes (virtually everyone in the movie, sans the great Sheriff Brackett, has suddenly become a completely different person and it doesn’t work for a single second); strange visions of a white horse; and a vocal Michael Myers. It’s all wrong, defecates on everything we know of the Halloween storyline, and feels about as forced as a number two in the midst of the world’s worst case of constipation. You’d think it can’t get much worse for the Halloween series than this… but alas, somehow it does.
Halloween Resurrection: Let’s just call it like it is: Halloween Resurrection is a total and complete bomb. There isn’t a single element of the picture that is enjoyable. There’s an attempt to combine the standard cinematic approach and that of the handy-cam variety, but it doesn’t work in the least bit. In the opening moments of the picture we see the great and resilient Laurie Strode meet her demise, and it’s both anticlimactic and unjust; Strode deserved to depart the Halloween universe on a far grander note in a far stronger film. To be as blunt as possible, Halloween Resurrection is a shit-storm of a film that you’re better off avoiding. And if you find yourself asking, “What in the fuck was Rick Rosenthal thinking?,” you’re not alone in your inquiry.
