There’s no doubt about it. Horror TV shows have come a long way from “Alfred Hitchcock Presents” and, in recent years especially, have become more of the norm you would see when you flip the channel switches. “The Walking Dead ” in particular opened a can of worms that had long been forgotten back in 2010, and we haven’t looked back since. Whether you’re a fan of said show or not, you have to give credit to “TWD” for helping to usher in more horror programming. The explosion of popularity helped bring us beautiful programs such as “Hannibal,” “Wayward Pines,” and “The Exorcist.”
Now, just like anyone else on this planet, I like to binge my horror programming. And yes, while we have a multitude of titles available at our fingertips thanks to the likes of these streaming sensations Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon, there’s a few horror TV titles missing that I’ve yet to see on ANY of these streaming networks. And it sort of pisses me off. Yes, yes… I realize there are most likely legal reasons for the absence of such gloriousness; however, it’s not a good enough reason for me.
Call me a stubborn brat if you will, but when I have to shell out $100 to watch a couple of episodes of “Unsolved Mysteries” (the Robert Stack episodes, mind you), this a damn problem that needs to be addressed. Of course the easy solution would be to buy DVD sets, but we all know that lazy feeling of not wanting to continuously get up and switch out discs in the middle of a binge. Don’t judge.
So here are five horror TV shows I want to see streaming already.
5. Friday the 13th: The Series
Sure, the series may have pulled one over on audiences initially with the misleading title being as the show had zero to do with Jason Voorhees, but at the end of the day it wasn’t that bad at all. It premiered in 1987 with the premise of a group of individuals who own an antique shop trying to recover cursed antiques every week and safely put them away in their store’s vault. Again having no ties at all to the popular franchise, it’s worth noting that series star John D. Lemay also ended up starring in Jason Goes to Hell, and The New Beginning‘s John Shepard (Tommy Jarvis) also made a cameo appearance during the series. So hell, there’s that at least. This is one of those programs you either enjoy or loathe entirely, but I for one wouldn’t mind catching a few episodes on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
4. Are You Afraid of the Dark?
It’s the most fun in the park when you’re laughing in the dark, or at least it would be from the comforts of my own home if we could get this streaming already! This nostalgic program from the 90’s with its skeevies-inducing intro was the go-to horror TV show for kids and introduced a lot of little buggers to the genre with a little mix of urban legends and stories about cigar-smoking clowns invading your home and terrorizing you. That’s right, Zebo; I still haven’t forgotten you. Can we get this on Netflix already for fuck’s sake?
3. Freddy’s Nightmares
Can you make a call to my house? My house TV to be precise? The horror program starring the legendary Robert Englund playing the iconic Freddy Krueger was every horror kid’s favorite series to sneak after dinner in their bedroom, regardless of just how awful it sometimes was. Granted, some entries were better than others, with the initial first episode focusing on and starring Englund as Freddy and telling the back story of the Springwood Slasher being the absolute best in the entire series. However, the series is still fun to revisit and would be a great Friday night binge along with friends. Remind me again why this hasn’t become an actual thing yet?
2. Tales from the Crypt
This is probably the most mind-fucking of all five as to WHY we can’t stream it as of yet. It’s an absolute crime to keep that wise-crackin’ Crypt Keeper character strictly to DVD and Blu-ray. This series is gold from start to finish, minus a few hiccups in the last season. This wonderful HBO show from the late 80’s that ran well into the 90’s provides hours upon hours of entertainment with brilliant stories, celebrity cameos, and always that WTF twist ending “Tales” is notorious for with each episode. What I wouldn’t give for an entire weekend devoted to a “Tales from the Crypt” marathon on my nice big screen. Sigh…
1. Unsolved Mysteries
Perhaps the biggest goddamn mystery of them all is why the majestic Robert Stack is being deprived from the world. As a matter of fact, it’s damn near impossible to find the original series playing anywhere. No reruns, not one site streaming the show that scared the hell out of us when we were kids. Seriously, if that intro didn’t send shivers down your spine, then you’re probably Satan. I recently obtained the “Best of Unsolved Mysteries” DVD bundle as an early Christmas gift from my wonderful significant other, and while I was overjoyed with all the fuzzies while watching a few episodes about Ghost Boy and the mysteries of Roswell, it soon faded when I had already plunged through the 40 episodes. I wanted more. I still want more. I’m tired of getting the runaround here – give us all the “Unsolved Mysteries”!
Get your shit together already, Netflix!