Let’s be real, we’ve all fantasized about taking lethal revenge. Sometimes the girl of our dreams gets stolen by the captain of the football team, or the dude whose dad owns the company gets our promotion. I mean just today I pictured how it would all work out if I smashed a pint glass over the head of the dude who cut me in line at the bar. I’m just saying, we all have our moments, and if not for the fear of the law who knows how it would all go down.
You know who doesn’t have to worry about consequences? Revenge movie protagonists. They are free to spend their life on the lam or go out in a blaze of glory. Because they’re badass. And, well, not real. But mostly badass. As they make their way through hordes of bad dudes to satisfy their righteous rage, we get to enjoy the consequence free catharsis of their brutality.
With My Father Die releasing on the 20th, I figured now was a good time to go over some of the revenge films that I consider most savage. Presented by FilmRise, My Father Die tells the story of Asher, a deaf mute seeking revenge on his father Ivan. At the age of 12, Ivan brutally beat Asher and killed his brother Chester, leaving Asher permanently deaf and emotionally scarred. Now, 21 years later, Asher is given his chance for revenge. I was excited for this one a while ago, as I’m a fan of Joe Anderson from the tragically short lived TV series “The River.” I got a chance to watch the film recently, and I can definitely say it lives up to this list. Directed by Sean Brosnan, check it out Friday On Demand or in select theaters.
Now keep in mind, this is a list of films where revenge is delivered awesomely. That doesn’t just mean the most violent. I mean, that has something to do with it, but sometimes the most brutal vengeance is subtle. So without further ado, here are Ted’s Top 14 Films that Prove Revenge is a Dish Best Served Awesome.
14) Death Sentence (2007):
When in doubt, never, ever murder Kevin Bacon’s family. This one might be a bit of a surprise for most, as there are certainly revenge flicks out there with more loathsome antagonists or higher body counts. What made Death Sentence stand out to me was just how gritty it felt. From start to end, this is a dirty and brutal film. Nothing feels clean about any of the kills, fueled by raw emotion and without any finesse. Bacon’s downward spiral leads him to a dark place where there’s no coming back from. In the end, he doesn’t care. This isn’t good vs evil. This is vengeance.
13) The Exterminator (1980):
The Exterminator is a movie that I saw at a party in college. The resident ultra-hipster had set up his VHS player on the living room TV and was proudly displaying his vast collection of, “shit you just can’t get on DVD, man!” Also on display that night were classics such as Hell Comes to Frogtown and some racist old school Disney shit. At the time The Exterminator came on, I was thoroughly interested in conversing with females and imbibing liquor. I started paying attention when a dude got his spine ripped out with a meathook, and was invested when another dude got tortured with a flamethrower. What makes The Exterminator stand out isn’t just the ridiculous over-the-top 80’s violence, but just how broad he goes to get his revenge. John Eastland kills gang members, mob bosses, corrupt senators, child molestors, you name it. If you want to see a guy going, “fuck it, I guess I’m all about revenge now,” then The Exterminator is your film.
12) Frightmare (1983):
There are few things worse than a vengeful bastard coming back from beyond the grave. But when you dig him up yourself and drag him to an abandoned mansion for a night of partying and sex, you’re kind of asking for it. Frightmare is considered a cult classic for a number of reason. There’s of course the gruesome murders and over-the-top violence. That’s a good part of what makes Frightmare fun. What really makes Frightmare fun is the tongue in cheek commentary on horror movie hero worship. I mean, come on, we all love our favorite stars with a passion that’s downright unhealthy. It manages to take the piss out of horror fandom while still paying reverence to it. It should be seen at least once by any obsessive horror geek.
11) The Last House on the Left (2009):
As if picking the remake of the original 1972 version wasn’t controversial enough, let me also rustle your jimmies by letting you know I picked this over both versions of I Spit on Your Grave. Feel free to argue with me all you want, but I picked the 2009 version of The Last House on the Left for a few reasons. First, the film isn’t your typical rape/revenge story. This isn’t the victim taking revenge, but her family. It’s so easy to do faux girl power through rape/revenge, that the whole genre just feels exploitative. Secondly, the remake is much more character focused than the original. The number of grotesque and shocking events are reduced, instead focused on a few major moments. We get much more of a sense of who these villains and heroes are, and the choices they made that led them to this clash. Lastly, the final microwave scene is just unforgettable, made all the more brutal by actually caring about the characters.
10) Unfriended (2014):
Here’s a promise: if you film me shitting my pants and upload it to YouTube, I will come back and haunt the fuck out of you. If you want to talk about minimalist narrative structures, you can’t do much better than Unfriended. Sure, it’s a gimmick. That doesn’t mean the gimmick doesn’t work. Six friends are forced to watch each other die as a malevolent spirit slowly needles the truth from them. If you’re put off by Skype being the medium, just imagine they’re all tied to chairs.
9) Darkman (1990):
I’m always so sad when I keep hearing that people haven’t seen Darkman. If you haven’t seen it, let me tell you what you’re missing. In a time before superhero movies were guaranteed hits, Sam Raimi brought his own to life. His name is Darkman, and he’s out to get the guys who turned his face into swiss cheese. Once a promising scientist, Dr. Peyton Westlake was attacked in his lab by a group of thugs looking for his girlfriend. Burning his hands, dipping him in acid, and blowing up his lab, they left him for dead. Disfigured but still alive, Westlake undergoes a surgery that renders him unable to feel any physical sensation, painful or pleasurable. Rebuilding his lab in secret, he resumes his work: a realistic synthetic skin that can last only 99 minutes in light. He learns how to talk and act like anyone, and with the power of the skin can blend in for a limited time. There’s just one problem… the experience has driven him insane. Now come on, can you honestly tell me that isn’t a guy you’d love to see kick some ass?!?!
8) Friday the 13th (1980):
In the modern zeitgeist, Jason Voorhees has taught us not to fuck at any summer camp ever. And rightly so. He’s been slashing his way through horny teens for 11 movies. But remember, it was his mother who started it all. Back in 1980, it was Pamela Voorhees who started all of this teen-slaying. Angered by her son’s death due to the neglect of horny camp counselors, she vowed that no one would get their dick wet at Camp Crystal Lake on her watch. The series became a cultural icon, and rightly so. If any killer deserves his spot at the top, it’s Jason. Let’s not forget his darling mother, who started this all with her misguided quest for justice for her homicidal son.
7) Altered (2006):
Wow, did this little film ever take me by surprise. This was one of those, “been on my Netflix queue forever” films. I watched it one day more out of boredom than anything, and holy shit was I surprised. This has to go up there with Afflicted and They’re Watching on a future list of movies I did not expect to love. This is one of those you just have to watch, but here’s the premise. After being abducted and tortured by aliens as kids, a group of friends decide to get revenge. By abducting and torturing an alien. Yes. You read that right. They abduct and experiment on an alien. This is one of those simple yet genius ideas that for some reason no one else ever thought of. The premise alone is enough to warrant a watch.
6) The Skin I Live In (2011):
God this is where the list really starts getting hard to order. This is a film I’d love to rate higher, if not for all of the great competition. Including the five films above this one, I do not think you will ever find a story more fucked up. This film will disturb you. You will not see the twist coming, and it will disgust you. I’ve been told by some contemporaries that this isn’t horror, and I firmly disagree. I do not see how anyone could watch this film and not be horrified.
5) The Crow (1994):
From alphabetical evisceration to “30 hours of pain,” how the fuck could you not love The Crow? Part music video, part teenage goth fantasy, 100% awesome. From start to finish, this movie just keeps finding more and more ways to be badass. On Devil’s Night, a crow taps the grave of Eric Draven, a rock guitarist and human rights activist who was unjustly murdered in his loft apartment a year before. He’s resurrected for a limited time to take revenge on gangsters named shit like Funboy, Top Dollar, and Skank. It’s 90s as hell, but there’s no way you can watch Eric Draven play shirtless electric guitar on the roof and not wish you were that level of teenage Hot Topic cool.
4) Mad Max (1979):
In the vaguely apocalyptic future, one man named Max will take revenge on Toecutter’s motorbike gang for murdering his wife and child that definitely do not at all look like bad mannequins. Seriously, who knew this little Australian action flick would lead to the definitive action/apocalypse franchise of our generation? It’s a franchise that has just gotten more insane with time, and that’s just how we like it. But it’s George Miller’s original that stands out as a low budget masterpiece. This is a film so awesome, my dad made me watch it when I was ten to, “make sure I turned out right.” And hell, let’s not pretend that it hasn’t influenced some other great films. I’m looking at you, James Wan.
3) Blue Ruin (2013):
Let me ask you, what happens when an average guy decides to take a crack at being one of these revenge movie heroes? Blue Ruin. I’ve liked Jeremy Saulnier since my brother-in-law Jake introduced me to Murder Party years ago. Saulnier’s releases are few and far between, but I have yet to be let down by this exceptional filmmaker. Blue Ruin is an everyman’s revenge film, and each death is just made that much more visceral for it. This isn’t an action hero doing the unbelievable. This is a man pushing himself to his limits because he has nothing else to live for.
2) I Saw the Devil (2010):
Tell me, what would you do if your fiance was murdered by a psychopath? Would you hunt him down and kill him? Maybe torture him for a while, until he begged for forgiveness? Murder his loved ones, destroying him in the same way he destroyed you? It’s all a sick and twisted fantasy, but I Saw the Devil takes it a step further. After the latter murders the love of his life, Kim Soo-Hyun installs a tracking device into the body of Jang Kyung-Chul. Following him across the country, he proceeds to slowly dismember Kyung-Chul whenever he acts on his murderous impulses. Kyung-Chul’s crimes make it so that you can never really feel bad for him, but you also feel dirty rooting for the good guy. The result is a truly disturbing film that should not be missed.
1) Oldboy (2003):
There’s no possible way that Oldboy would not be at the top of this list. This is easily the best of Park Chan-Wook’s The Vengeance Trilogy (not that the other two films aren’t great contenders). I am going to go on record saying that this is the greatest revenge story ever told. After being imprisoned by an unknown captor for 15 years, Oh Dae-Su is released without explanation. With no life or purpose other than to exact revenge on his tormentor, he sets out to find whomever was responsible. But Oldboy has a pivotal twist. Despite all of his rage, this isn’t just Oh Dea-Su’s tale of revenge. If you haven’t seen it, do. It’s good enough that I refuse to spoil it.
So there you go! What do you think of my list of Top 14 Films that Prove Revenge is a Dish Best Served Awesome? Did I miss your favorite tale of tantalizing vengeance? Did you think any of my films sucked major donkey balls? Check out the trailer, and let me know soon if you think My Father Die should make the list! It’s available January 20th in select theaters and On Demand, and I highly recommend checking it out. Looking forward to reading your comments below, and as always, if you’re going to take vengeance, please at least get away with it.