Friday the 13th – Jason’s Top 13 Horniest Kills
4. Exactly how long was she under there? (Friday the 13th)
The death of Jack (Kevin Bacon) in the original Friday the 13th is mainly remembered for the Tom Savini special effect, but repeat viewings reveal the scene to be a lot creepier for a long longer. Considering the way in which the scene plays out, Mrs. Voorhees must’ve been under that bed for a long time, waiting and planning.
Of course, she’s lucky that Jack and Marcy weren’t a kinkier couple. What if they’d decided to have sex on the floor or worse, the top bunk (where Ned’s corpse was stashed, lest anyone forget)?
Luckily it played out as expected, meaning Mrs. Voorhees probably had to put up with the bouncing mattress bottom brushing against her face. No wonder she couldn’t wait to take Jack out of the equation.
3. There go your peepers. (Friday the 13th – A New Beginning)
Not sure what pseudo-Jason had against eyes, but it seems like he was destroying them every chance he got (poor Gramps). Consider the scene where Tina (Debisue Voorhees) and Eddie (John Robert Dixon) sneak off for a little roll in the woods…
Basking in a post sexual glow, Tina’s eyes are carved out when everyone’s favorite disgruntled ambulance driver takes a pair of hedge clippers to them. Eddie returns to discover her body and finds his head locked against a tree with a leather belt strap. His skull is crushed as the belt constricts around his eyes, leaving him to die a very uncomfortable death.
The gleeful sadism of Friday 5 is in full force in this scene (especially with the homeless voyeur hilariously dispatched in between our two big deaths) – and it’s just one of the many reasons I adore every frame of it.
2. Homo-erotic … shaving? (Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday)
What is this I don’t even …
Admittedly, this particular moment might be better suited for one of the other Friday the 13th features I’m planning this week, but it’s so bizarre and overtly sexual that I’m compelled to post it here.
I will never understand why Josh (Andrew Bloch) is nude or why Jason gives him a clean shave before taking possession of his body. In fact, I don’t understand a damn thing about this scene. Does it tell us more than we want to know about Jason? That he’s a metrosexual at heart? Why the shave, otherwise? But, again, why is Josh naked?
Jason stripped him, bound him, shaved him, possessed him and then dressed back up in his clothes? Is there something sexual about this scene? Absolutely. It’s intended to keep the audience off-balance, although it does so at the expense of our beloved summer camp slasher, who has never behaved this strangely before or since.
1. Tent split! (Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday)
It’s odd that Jason Goes to Hell’s most memorable bit was only added to the film after the producers felt like it needed a few more “classic” kills.
Deborah (Michelle Clunie) rides Luke (Michael Silver) halfway to o-town before Jason plunges a rail spike into her back, splitting her in half. Blood splats all over an understandably upset Luke in what is an admittedly amazing special effects sequence by the maestros at K.N.B (remember, you have to see the unrated cut).
With the exception of the prolonged sex scene in the 2009 Friday the 13th, this is easily the most graphic moment in the series as far as sexuality goes. Having Jason so brutally intrude feels like the ultimate snarky commentary on “safe sex” – especially considering the condom discussion at the beginning of the scene.
Now, if someone could explain why the hell Luke refers to himself as ”Tony the Wonder Llama”, I’d be satisfied.
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