5 Haunted House Daddies So Hot They Broke the Thermostat
I’m back with another list and ready to overshare again! Let me open this by saying, we have a lot of hot people working in the genre. We don’t talk about the haunted hotties running around as ghosts and spirits in these houses and that’s a travesty. How often do we ask what makes these people stay in these blood-soaked homes while staring at these hot ghosts? Do you want me to pass on a guy that can read and owns his own home? In this economy? I think not! Which is why, I’m here to ask an important question today, “What that ghost do?” Depending on the answer, I might have follow-ups as I dig out my good bra.
George Lutz, The Amityville Horror (2005)
Played By Ryan Reynolds
Where You Can Watch: Starz
George Lutz is the kind of stepdad that ruins friendships. I believe that’s why the spirits took his shirts and then his body. These tactics make Kathy Lutz (Melissa George) hesitant to walk away from her new hot husband. We always want to tell these people to leave these haunted houses, but what if your hot husband got hotter when the evil spirits got hold of him? Would you try to reach an agreement with them so you can both get a little Lutz throughout the week? I might. Plus, possessed or haunted, he’s got a job, and together, you can afford a house big enough for your large family. I would say less and start helping the evil forces hide his clothes.
Anthony McCoy, Candyman (2021)
Played By Yahya Abdul-Mateen
Where You Can Watch: Amazon Prime
Anthony is a hot artist about to become a fucking smoking spirit about to help out his community. This movie is important and beautiful, but also we need to address that Anthony (Yahya Abdul-Mateen) CAN GET IT, respectfully. I understood why Brianna (Teyonah Parris) wanted this relationship to work. She’s a ten and deserves a ten because that’s how math works! We should be supporting art that creates art, and I would also be his biggest patron. Is it any surprise that fate had its eye on Anthony? I would also be trying to holler at him on those Chicago streets. I suspect no one told me they were filming because they knew I would’ve hopped on the Red Line just to get escorted from the set. However, I’m still disowning all my friends that knew this was filming while I lived in Chicago. Most of us have been drooling over Abdul-Mateen for years, but this was the first time a costume designer read our diaries and gave us what we needed.
Casper, Casper (1995)
Played By Devon Sawa
Where You Can Watch: VOD
Allow me to remind everyone right here that Devon Sawa is older than me. So, when we rented this movie, and I started to see the value in this Casper character, that was acceptable. I was too young to fully understand yelling, “He could find a friend in me!” had more meanings than I realized. After years of being uninterested in old reruns of some cartoon about a ghost kid, I was suddenly fully invested in this hot ghost boy in this big ass house. It was also one of the many times I would be jealous of Christina Ricci and tell my mother that I wanted to be an actor. If I were Kat (Ricci) I would stay in that house too. I wore this VHS out, and that poor Hollywood Video employee probably remembers the upset girl glaring at him as he scanned it back in. Casper was the first time I realized ghosts could be hot.
*This is not streaming for free, so technically doesn’t meet the requirements of a streaming guide. However, how am I supposed to ask “What That Ghost Do?” and not include the first hot ghost I ever noticed?*
Josh Lambert, Insidious (2010)
Played By Patrick Wilson
Where You Can Watch: Hulu, Netflix, and Tubi
The spirits weren’t the only thing stopping our hearts in this scary movie. Part-time actor, full-time Zaddy, Patrick Wilson is running around this house pretending he’s not a Greek God in flannel. When he finds out he can cross over into the spirit world to save his son, he stops being a hot person and becomes a smoldering spirit. If I were in that astral plane, I would also try to keep him with me. I don’t blame the entities that tried it, and I’m more confused that his wife, mother, and psychic didn’t see it coming. I know we’re all stressed because we are haunted but…have they not seen this man?! Anyway, this family ended the movie with a possessed version of His Hotness in their home. Meanwhile, the version on the other side is trying to make his way back. If I were Renai (Rose Byrne), I would send the kids away for a weekend and see if we can figure out some new house rules.
Joong-soo, Metamorphosis (2019)
Played By Bae Seong-woo
Where You Can Watch: Pluto TV and Shudder
Where You Can Watch: Pluto TV and Shudder
Joong-soo is the hottest priest, so I understand why this entity does not want to let go. After their initial meet-up, the spirit tells him it is not over and then runs to his family. Of course, this leads them to call Uncle Hot Priest to their home, where more shenanigans ensue, and the spirit takes over his body. I am here for petty spirits, and I love that this one stayed thirsty in death. I also love to see beings set goals and work to attain them. Let’s not pretend that most of us would not go through extraordinary lengths to get this man to notice us. I am not saying I side with the evil spirit, but I am not not saying that I side with them. If you have seen this movie, you probably also respect what is at stake here. Most of us would also be acting like an unhinged ex if he tried to banish us to the underworld where we could never see him again. I imagine the casting director melted after letting them know they found their lead and has never been heard from again.
Let me know your favorite horror daddies at @misssharai.
Categorized:Lists
