Trick-or-Treat: The Hottest ‘Halloween’ Hunks in the Franchise
The horror genre is no stranger to sexy women. It was a staple in the ’80s, for better or worse, to cast attractive women, have them strip naked, and then kill them off in ridiculously gory ways. A huge thrust of Scream’s subversion in 1996 came from the idea that sex equated to death in the horror genre, and while that wasn’t exactly true, even at the time, there’s no denying the last century’s penchant for horny, horny horror. Yet, for as much as the genre centered the male gaze with its women victims, the genre has slowly unfurled into something more conspicuously equitable.
So, in the spirit of the season, I’ve taken on the enviable task of revisiting the Halloween movies and applying my own personal gaze to deduce the alliterative (and hot) top ten Halloween hunks in the franchise. You’re welcome.
10. Freddie Harris (Halloween: Resurrection)
Freddie Harris (Busta Rhymes) is not only hot, but he is also one of just a select few male survivors of Michael Myers’ rampage. While contemporary critics have since discovered contract clauses prohibiting rappers from dying (it would tarnish their brand), the inceptive reason makes no difference. Freddie Harris fought Michael Myers and lived to tell the tale in all its killer shark glory. Where Freddie places lower than others on this list is the unfortunate nature of the fight. It’s an oddly choreographed bout of hand-to-hand combat that looks more like a parody than an actual brawl. Credit for the idea, less so for the attempt.
9. Brady (Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers)
Brady (Sasha Jensen) is the no-last-name hunk who easily seduces Rachel Carruthers (Ellie Cornell) in Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers. His floofy, soft-serve hair makes it easy to forgive Rachel’s density with regard to Brady’s burgeoning unfaithfulness. It’s unfortunate that Rachel directs most of her ire toward Kelly (Kathleen Kinmont), though Brady does get a miniature redemptive arc, sacrificing himself to buy Rachel and her foster sister (and Myers niece) Jamie Lloyd (Danielle Harris) just enough time to escape. He’s a cad with a heart.
8. Mike (Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers)
Mike (Jonathan Chapin) is barely—just barely—better than Brady. Mike is Tina’s (Wendy Kaplan) boyfriend, and he’s dispatched pretty early on after Michael scratches his car and Mike is unfortunate enough to confront him. He’s got this kind of bad boy greaser thing going on though and it kind of works for him. I mean, I get why Tina liked him.
7. Tommy Doyle (Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers)
It’s Paul Rudd. That’s all there is to say. Paul Rudd’s eyes are cerulean seas of infinite peace. With anyone else in the role, this Tommy Doyle is a certified creep. With Paul Rudd (no different than in Clueless), it’s easy to look past the questionable characterization.
6. Dr. Dan Challis (Halloween 3: Season of the Witch)
Tom Atkins, everyone. That mustache is everything. He’s intense. He’s committed. He’s plagued by conspiracy and plot. And he cares. That matters far more than you might think. Plus, again, the mustache. Mustaches always win.
5. Ronald Jones (Halloween H20: 20 Years Later)
It’s LL Cool J. He writes spicy romance novels. He’s nice to his girlfriend. He’s nice to the kids on campus. And, like so few others, he manages to survive the night after Michael returns twenty years later. He’s effortlessly cool in a way few are, surviving not only Myers, but also a bullet from everyone’s favorite Adam Arkin.
4. Michael Myers (Rob Zombie’s Halloween)
Please don’t get the wrong idea here. Michael Myers is not attractive. He’s a serial killer and no amount of craft fair tumblers adorned with hunky Michael Myers decals are going to convince me otherwise. But, and please hear me out here, this Myers is played by Tyler Mane, and Tyler Mane is attractive. I’m having a hard time reconciling the two, but yeah, this Michael is fourth on the list, and let’s leave it at that.
3. Aaron Korey (Halloween 2018)
That smooth suave accent is enough to forget about Aaron Korey (Jefferson Hall) being the source of Michael Myers’ reignited rage. A provocateur of the top order, Korey and his partner, Dana (Rhian Rees) antagonize Myers at Smith Grove Sanitarium. Sure, Dr. Sartain (Haluk Bilginer) is ultimately responsible for releasing him, but what Aaron and Dana did certainly didn’t help. They get theirs, don’t worry, though it’s hard not to grieve the loss of the franchise’s most dashing male players thus far, even if he’s kind of a rabble-rouser.
2. John Tate (Halloween H20: 20 Years Later)
Josh Hartnett, everyone. Sure, he’s got a bad attitude and treats his grieving mother terribly (and that haircut…), but it’s Josh Hartnett. If you haven’t yet, check out Penny Dreadful and you’ll know exactly what I mean.
1. Corey Cunningham (Halloween Ends)
Everyone knows exactly what I’m talking about. I won’t be taking questions at this time (unless you’re Rohan Campbell). Allyson (Andi Matichak), I get it.
What do you think? Who do you consider to be Halloween’s premier hunk? Let me know over on Twitter @Chadiscollins (where I promise I’m more PG than this list suggests).
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