Dread Central’s Best and Worst of 2014
The Foywonder’s Picks
I find myself struggling a bit with both of my lists this year because I look back at 2014 as a year filled with a lot of okay horror movies that were also completely unmemorable. Even most of the bad horror movies were more forgettable than godawful. Except for Leprechaun: Origins; that truly was the worst piece of crap I’ve seen in a long time. 2014 may go down as a transformative year for the genre as this was the year that VOD was the place to watch for the genre, so much so I skipped almost all of the theatrically-released horror flicks. Given how much most of those big screen releases struggled, so did most horror fans.
The Babadook – Not going to dwell to much on this one since I suspect it’s probably appearing on nearly every horror site’s best list. I will say that while I wasn’t quite as enamored with The Babadook as others, there’s no denying that the stuff that worked struck a creepy chord with me that has stayed with me since viewing it. That alone puts it far and above most of this year’s quickly forgettable horror offerings. Though for me personally, I think it’s far more effective as a psychological thriller about a mother’s descent into madness than as a supernatural horror.
The Human Race – 80 people from all walks of life find themselves ripped out of their lives and forced to compete in a lethal foot race where if you are lapped twice, you die, if you step off the path, you die, and if you touch the grass, you die. Paul Hough’s flick gets off to a rocky start for about the first 10-15 minutes but then finds its footing and turns into a fun, often mean-spirited Battle Royale-eque thriller loaded with plenty of twists and turns and exploding heads. After flying under the radar earlier this year, this one is just waiting to be discovered.
Tusk – I can totally understand why some people hated this movie, especially when Kevin Smith follows up his film’s most horrific sequence with an intolerable 10-minute comedy routine of Johnny Depp doing his French-Canadian Inspector Clouseau routine as Michael Parks goes full retard. Aside from that, I loved the weirdness that was horror cinema’s first ever Frankenwalrus flick. The walrus creature Justin Long is transformed into is both simultaneously one of the ghastliest and most absurd looking movie monsters in ages. Produce a walrus-man action figure for it already and take my money, Kevin Smith!
Exists – If The Blair Witch Project was Eduardo Sanchez’s Alien, then Exists is his Aliens. A no b.s. found footage hybrid of I Know What You Did Last Summer meets Harry and the Hendersons (now there’s a combination!), Sanchez has figured out that so much of the wait-and-see, leave-it-to-your-imagination formula of the subgenre he helped invent has grown stale and wisely doesn’t hide his outstanding looking Bigfoot creature until the very end or waste time having it just make noises off-camera, merely messing with the character rather than rampaging like a pissed off Sasquatch would. This is the best Sasquatchploitation flick since Abominable, which I admit is not exactly the highest of praise.
Afflicted – Like Exists, another found footage creature feature that emphasizes action over the typical less is bore. Shades of Chronicle, only with vampires and the best use of go-pro camera I’ve ever seen in a found footage-style flick. What could have been just another vampire transformation flick is turned into a thrilling and chilling romp, visually inventive, boasting the most thrilling first-person POV chase I’ve ever seen. Just how good Afflicted is was further pounded home after watching the similar yet vastly inferior Wer.
Honorable Mentions: Late Phases, Cheap Thrills, Starve, Godzilla
Leprechaun: Origins – I know there are those out there that argue “worst of” lists often focus too much on easy targets. Perhaps the reason some of those targets are so easy is due to their disdain being totally deserved. Why does Leprechaun: Origins exist and who thought it was a good idea to try and reboot the Leprechaun franchise as a serious horror film? Its mere existence is baffling. If you’re a fan of the previous Leprechaun movies, this provides nothing you want from such a sequel, prequel, or otherwise. If you’re not a fan, why would you want to watch this in the first place? Disassociate it from the franchise altogether and what you’re left with is still the most boring and generic monster movie imaginable. Even in a genre polluted with no shortage of terrible reboots, Leprechaun: Origins achieves a special level of craptitude that made realize I had been way too hard on Warwick Davis’ rapping skills.
V/H/S Viral – Hands down the single most disappointing horror movie(s) of 2014. After knocking it out of the park with V/H/S 2, the third installment fouls out with one okay segment, one really lame segment, another that is nearly headache-inducing in its wretchedness, and connecting it all together is an infuriatingly incomprehensible wraparound. What a letdown. Sigh.
Patrick Awakens – Sitting through this lifeless remake left me feeling much like Patrick: in a coma with my eyes wide open.
Horns – Ever watch a movie you hated and you weren’t sure exactly why? If someone asked you to explain exactly why you disliked it, you’d have a hard time explaining; you just know that something about it just rubbed you the wrong way from the outset. That’s how I felt watching Horns. Something about the tone, the story, how it was presented, something I couldn’t put my finger on precisely was so off-putting to me that my disdain for the film grew with every passing minute. Making matters worse, there were nearly 120 minutes for me to hate. I know this film divided audiences. Gonna have to put me squarely on the side of the haters.
I, Frankenstein – Dear Underworld franchise, I would like to take a moment to apologize for all the bad things I’ve said about you over the years. I didn’t realize how good I had it with you until I saw handsome Frankenstein joining forces with Leonore, Queen of the Gargoyle Clan, to prevent demonic forces from obtaining his wattage. As I summed it up in my review: “This is not schlock. This is dreck. There is a difference.”
Dishonorable Mentions: 7500, See No Evil 2, Bigfoot Wars, Septic Man, Godzilla
DISQUALIFIED ON THE GROUNDS THAT I REFUSE TO RECOGNIZE IT AS AN ACTUAL MOVIE: Blood Valley: Seed’s Revenge
