Private Number (2015)
Starring Tom Sizemore, Judd Nelson, Nicholle Tom, Hal Ozsan
Directed by LazRael Lison
Every horror writer wants to be Stephen King but, sadly, only a chosen few have the ability to keep the hit factory up and running. Far too often, the classics need a little coaxing usually found at the bottom of a bottle. Such is the case for the main character of Private Number who found success out of the gate with his first novel but, now that he’s given up the booze and settled down with his baby obsessed wife, he can’t get his pen up any longer, figuratively speaking. Sadly but predictably as of late, the inclusion of Tom Sizemore and Judd Nelson don’t serve to lift up the phoned in melodrama displayed here and they both seem to remain trapped in B-Movie hell – a creatively devoid domain that Private Number certainly belongs in.
Strange calls begin to haunt Michael Lane (Hal Ozsan) and his wife, Catherine (Nicholle Tom) late at night from an unknown number. As different voices (mostly kids) keep repeating “Remember me?” into the phone leading this fairly generic couple to call in the police. Enter Judd Nelson in trademark goatee as a jaded sheriff who doesn’t have time for pranks. As Michael continues to slave away at his second book, his character The Knight begins to mock him for not being able to come up with the next literary adventure. His alcoholism serves as a device to show hokey hallucinations that serve as lazy attempts at tension. Is Michael really going crazy? Is someone or something threatening him from a private number? Or does private number refer to his own private inner turmoil that’s causing these disturbances? (Personally, it was hard to care mostly due to the fact that Michael has a “Live Free or Die” tattoo on his bicep making it virtually impossible to take him seriously).
As the plot thickens, Michael teams up with a savvy cop who after running a trace on the mysterious calls finds that they’re coming from a number that doesn’t exist. A bevy of unsolved deaths that may have come at the hands of a serial killer could lead to answers but, seeing as you can’t “*69” someone in the afterlife, everyone is forced to use Google to uncover the truth. So, in familiar fashion, we click our way through to the ending. Riveting!
More soap opera thriller than straight up and down horror, Private Number is filled to the brim with serial killer tropes and overly repetitive scenes that assume that an ominous ring tone is the only thing you need to sustain any kind of tension. Seemingly made for those unlucky horror fans that end up watching this accidentally, Private Number should probably have never been dialed up in the first place. To be fair, there is a ridiculous twist that almost makes things veer into so-bad-it’s-good territory but I can’t bring myself to recommend you actually suffer through on the off chance that you might get out a laugh or two. However, fans of both Judd Nelson and Tom Sizemore (like myself) should support this if they over hope to see both actors in something that’s actually worthwhile again. Please, someone out there rescue these two actors from the hellish obscurity they currently reside in.
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Film
Categorized:News
