Woman Says She Was Seduced by Bigfoot’s ‘Huge Erection’
You’ve probably heard a number of freaky, bizarre, and downright odd stories surrounding the legend of Bigfoot over the years, but chances are you’ve never encountered one quite like this. And while there’s a very strong chance that this unexpectedly sexual story is a complete and utter fabrication — in fact, I’m willing to bet the house on it — it’s still way too kooky to pass up.
According to the folks at Moron, a marijuana farmer by the name of Nancy Hoggert was tending to her crops in Belfair, Washington, when she discovered that Bigfoot was snacking on her precious buds. Since the sasquatch was nibbling away at her livelihood, Hoggert decided to dispense a little backwoods justice. Armed with a shotgun, she confronted Bigfoot about his decision to turn her pricy pot plants into an afternoon meal. That’s when things got a little hairy.
Nancy Hoggert allegedly told the website Bigfoot Tracker News, “I pointed my shotgun at him and he put up his hands, scared. That’s when I looked down and noticed he had a huge erection between his legs. I hadn’t gotten any in a while and well, from there, it somehow turned into an adult movie. I don’t know if he started it or I did. He did me from behind, which felt great.”
Since Nancy and Bigfoot — whom she lovingly refers to as John — are having a lot of fun together, Hoggert is thinking about changing her last name to Bigfoot. What’s more, she wouldn’t be completely opposed to having a child with the legendary monster.
“Once I’m pregnant, Bigfoot, or John as I call him, and I are going to settle down and live a quiet domesticated life in my house. He loves living in the forest, but I’m sick of the long-distance relationship. I have to commute for three hours to be with my man. It’s getting old and gas is expensive,” Hoggert explained, effectively solidifying the tale’s ridiculousness.
The Hollywood Gossip notes that Hoggert intends to capitalize on her boyfriend’s popularity now that her income has dropped drastically following the legalization of marijuana in Washington. This story might sound like a steaming pile of sasquatch crap, but at least it’s entertaining.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_K3ByKTWvw&w=640&h=360]
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