Dread Central’s Regrets, Reviews, and Regards – Sometimes We Suck
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We admit it. We’re not always right. In fact, like everyone else sometimes we miss the mark by a mile. Still, one man’s trash is another’s treasure, and in that spirit we’d like to take this time to poke a little fun at ourselves and look back at some of the reviews we get no end of shit for.
Now, be it known… most of us here at Dread Central will stick to our guns and say fuck it, we liked what we liked! Popular opinion be damned! However, there are a few listed here that we wish we could take back or just completely rewrite. Were we caught up in the moment? Were we on some mind-altering substance? Drunk maybe? Or did we just plain like a stinker? You decide as we take a look back at some of our worst moments.
Let’s start with me. I have two flicks that I gave positive reviews to that will haunt me to my grave…
Uncle Creepy
Tamara (review) and The Devil Inside (review).
Looniest Quotes
“Tamara is a well crafted, solid little film that will thrill you, chill you, and at times make your skin crawl.”
“The Devil Inside is home to moments that will shock, scare, disturb, and leave you gasping.”
It’ll never cease to amaze me how the 3 or 3 1/2 out of 5 rated movies can be the most controversial amongst the fan base. The thing is, I genuinely liked these two flicks and had a blast with each of ’em. Sure, one was derivative and the other was missing an ending! What can I say? One thing’s for sure, though – I heard you guys loud and clear. You’ve made me humble… old country style.
The Foywonder
The Gingerdead Man (review) and the The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (review).
Looniest Quotes
“Like any good snack treat The Gingerdead Man is non-nutritious, but it just tastes so damn good.”
“The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, though not great by any means, is fairly entertaining (up to a point) in an in-one-ear-and-out-the-other, use once and dispose sort of way. It’s not even anywhere near as aggressive in its idiocy as the previous two.”
You know some would say that Foy should be cut some slack given the amount of bullets he’s taken for the team, but hey, no one is twisting his arm to watch the entire Asylum film catalog!
Matt (Masked Slasher) Fini
Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (review) and The Wolfman (review).
Looniest Quotes
“It’s the same Haddonfield from John Carpenter’s film – only seventeen years older and more battered. After the debacle of transforming the Myers house into a Gothic mansion in Halloween 5, Chappelle deserves some credit for taking Part 6 back to the aesthetic basics of the original.”
“The Wolfman works because Johnston approaches the material with an obvious love and respect for the werewolf mythos. Not only does the moon have a beautifully foreboding presence throughout the course of the film, but the titular beast is plagued both by ghastly nightmares and a disorienting increase in his senses to help convey the “curse” of lycanthropy.”
Matt is a really eccentric kind of viewer as he can find some good in just about everything whether it’s there or not. He cannot be warned off a bad movie, and he’ll buy a shitty flick on Blu-ray just to have it. Yep, in some ways you have to respect that.
Heather (TheHorrorChick) Wixson
Platinum Dunes’ A Nightmare on Elm Street (review) and Piranha 3DD (review).
Looniest Quotes
“The solid performances, stunning cinematography and visuals, and revamped and brutal Freddy make this A Nightmare on Elm Street worth checking out. “
“Piranha 3DD could very well be the most fun genre fans will have at the multiplex this summer.”
We love Heather. Rarely will you find someone more enthusiastic about the horror genre, and believe me when I tell you this chick is as legit a fan as they come. However, sometimes her enthusiasm ends up getting a bit of the best of her, and when that happens … OOF!
Buz “Danger” Wallick
There can be only one for The Buz, and it is Shark Swarm (review).
Looniest Quotes
“Most killer shark movies these days are nothing short of awful, but Shark Swarm kept me entertained the whole way through, and it rightfully deserves its place as one of the better films in the killer animal movie genre”
“The pacing is also a plus. Coming in at 164 minutes, it is a pretty long watch. However, it really doesn’t feel that long because the shark attacks just keep coming, and it doesn’t let up. Needless to say, I was never bored. “
Meet Buz. Buz likes movies with sharks in them. Maybe a little too much!
Andrew Kasch
As I am haunted by mine, Andrew will be FOREVER haunted by his love for Platinum Dunes’ The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (review).
Looniest Quotes
“The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning is the real deal – the very film the remake aspired and failed to be. Not only is it the best installment in the Chainsaw canon since Tobe Hooper’s original, it’s also the most brutal film to ever emerge from a studio. No hyperbole. No bullshit.”
“This is a rare case of all the right talents coming together to produce something truly unforgettable.”
“The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning is not only the biggest surprise of 2006, it may very well be the best horror film of the year.”
Andrew now reflects on this review with disdain. He insists he can take it back and cites it as a momentary lapse of reason. Sorry, dude, you made your bed. Fucking sleep in it!
Debi (The Woman in Black) Moore
While not a misfire review by any means, Deb took no end of flack for her opinion on Moon (review).
Looniest Quote
“There’s been some quibbling as to whether or not Moon falls in the horror category, but with its thick coating of dread and a menacing evil controlling the whole thing — that says horror to me.”
And there lies the line. The single line that kept the comments section cooking for days. It’s always a struggle around here to decide what we should and shouldn’t be covering. What do YOU think? Tell us below.
Jinx
Our newest reviewer found himself in a shitstorm this week for daring to like Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (review).
Looniest Quotes
“Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance is a far better (and far more enjoyable) romp that more closely captures the edgy comic book that serves as its inspiration.”
“If you’re a fan of comic-booky horror flicks with loads of inventive action, do yourself a favor: forget that wretched initial installment and give this one a shot.”
Welcome to the party, pal! See that cross? Hang from it with glee as with that last review you’ve officially joined the “Are you fucking kidding me?” club. Nomad liked the movie, too. Speaking of which ..
Nomad
Hannibal Rising (review) and My Soul to Take (review).
Looniest Quotes
“Hannibal Rising is a slick and horrifying ride you are forced to experience at the edge of a knife.”
“Vintage Craven in top form. I’m actually still mulling over the magical quality that makes this so.”
Agree with him, love him, or hate him, Nomad has sparked no end of conversation for some of his reviews, and while sometimes we cannot help but ask, “Seriously, what the fuck were you thinking?”, you just can’t help but be curious. Bonus point for him for writing the only perfect review Uwe Boll has ever received with his take on Postal (review).
So there you have it, kids. Some of our absolute worst moments. Sure there’s more, but these will do for now. Right, wrong, it doesn’t matter really, and in the end what YOU think is all that really counts. There’s only one thing I can tell you as a fact – we do this because we love it and we love you, no matter how much shit you give us. It’s your passion that fuels our passion. We may not always be right, but we’ll always do our best to be honest and here for you cats. Warts and all.
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