Big Tits Zombie/Zombie Stripper Apocalypse (DVD)
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Starring Sora Aoi, Risa Kasumi, Mari Sakurai
Directed by Takao Nakano
Distributed by Entertainment One
Gonzo Japanese horror comedies are definitely not for everyone. Such films like RoboGeisha and Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl display some method to the madness, inventive visuals, a kinetic energy, some semblance that what you’re watching is an actual film as loony as it may be. Definitely an acquired taste, a taste I am willing to admit to only enjoying in limited doses.
Sometimes these films just leave a bad taste. Big Tits Zombie is the original title of the motion picture released in what few remaining Blockbuster’s there are as Zombie Stripper Apocalypse. This was actually released in Japan in 3D? Seriously?
You would assume a movie originally titled Big Tits Zombie would boast loads of nudity, especially when you consider the busty stars of the film are all Japanese adult video actresses appearing in a non-penetration role. You would assume a movie titled Zombie Stripper Apocalypse featuring scantily clad exotic dancers battling the undead would deliver lots of over-the-top gore and creative zombie slaughtering action. You do get all three but in surprisingly limited doses.
Cheap digital splatter abounds whenever the women don swords and chainsaws to fight off the walking dead. A scene or two of gut munching shows off the sort of practical effects work you’ll wish there was more of. There is such a deficit of zombie fighting action that the film opens with a zombie fighting sequence lifted from the climax that then repeats itself in its entirety when the film comes full circle. Keep in mind the movie is barely 70 minutes long.
There are only a handful of topless scenes, and the first bit of nudity doesn’t even occur until nearly halfway into this movie that boasts the production values of a no-budget porn movie shot on VHS and transferred over to digital. The lack of nudity early on is something the movie even tries to laugh off by having a male character around the 20-minute mark break the fourth wall to complain about how bad the film is. No sex scenes, either; shocking, considering the cast is almost entirely women who make a living having sex on camera. Not even any tentacle rape (though it is teased and joked about). Contrary to the original title, there are no zombies with big tits. A Japanese movie called Big Tits Zombie starring AV stars doesn’t even succeed at being sufficiently sleazy; that alone should be grounds for the filmmaker to commit seppuku.
Problem is that this movie isn’t really about gratuitous nudity or zombies or big breasted gals battling the undead. The razor thin storyline deals with the discovery of a Necronomicon in the bowels of a Japanese strip club that leads the one Gaga-esque Goth stripper to raise the dead and go mad with power; her vague plan is to force all women to dress in their slutty Halloween costumes every day of the year by making Halloween every day, or some crap like that. But that’s still not really what it’s about. The whole sorry spectacle is really more like an endless stream of non sequiturs that rarely amount to anything beyond inane gibberish.
The illiterate stripper admonishing a co-worker: Sorry I never learned to read, Maria. I was too busy not being a cunt.
Villainess to heroine during the final battle: I always did despise you. Now I’ll step on your stupid dead face with a shoe that’s covered with dog shit..
A male driver acting strange as he pulls up to take one of the girls to the club: It’s not what it looks like. I was just masturbating. Or is that what it looked like? You should probably wipe down the seat..
There’s sophomoric humor, and then there’s whatever the hell this is. Even worse is how the humor frequently turns meta by having the strippers talk as if they know they’re appearing in a terrible movie and by having the “director” voice his complaints about how his dumb actresses can’t take proper direction, the budget being so low they have to recycle the same four or five zombie extras and how bad the movie is in general.
A stripper’s thoughts before segueing to her backstory: God, I’m so bored. Guess I might as well flash back to how I got here.
One stripper to another after she points out which one of them will turn evil before the end of the movie: “You know you’re supposed to say “spoiler alert” first.”
Laughing yet? Maybe you will during the climax when a dreadlocked guy with blue face paint and horns emerges from a fiery pit and complains that he’s supposed to be on the set of Big Schlong Ogres instead.
How about one more?
The strip club MC introducing the middle-aged stripper as she takes the stage: Mamie might be a little past her prime, but the good news is she can’t get pregnant! Let’s hear it for menopause!
Hope you laughed because that was the best joke in the whole movie. Well, that and the one all-too-brief scene where a zombiefied stripper turns and blasts fire out of her hoo-ha. That was quite an image but not one that leads to anything other than a momentary WTF moment.
Big Tits Zombie, Zombie Stripper Apocalypse, whatever you want to call it, it makes OneChanbara look Kurosawa-esque by comparison.
Did I mention all these brilliant bon mots are delivered with English dubbing that so poorly synchs up with the actors everybody sounds like they speak in voiceover? There is no option for switching the audio to the original Japanese language track with English subtitles. The menu screen only comes with two options you can click on. Unfortunately, one of those options is PLAY.
Special Features
1 out of 5
Categorized:Reviews
