The Gasp Menagerie – Vampire Fish Attack Woman in Australian River
I had this friend who used to say, basically, screw Australia. She’d never go there because it’s nothing but serial killers and lethal wildlife. Now, I’m pretty sure there are some things down there that aren’t set on killing you, but stories like this don’t help my side of the argument.
According to this report from the Northern Star, Australian Adele Shrimpton was attacked by… well… something. They don’t know. She doesn’t know. We don’t know. I’m not sure I want to know. I’d just like to know if it’s anywhere near me so I can stock up on flamethrower fuel. And buy a flamethrower.
Adele was standing in shallow water in the Tweed River ready to launch her boat when she felt stinging on her ankles. She thought it was “just” something called “sea lice,” which I am absolutely not okay with. Sea lice, that is. I googled them. I don’t recommend it.
But no, these were not “just” sea lice. This was something else.
Adele says she looked down once she got in her boat and saw “all this blood.” She was left with wide swaths of scabby wounds across her ankles and lower legs. Considering she was only in the water for a few seconds, she’s concerned what might happen if a small child or baby were attacked.
Experts are clueless; nobody familiar with the area wildlife has ever seen wounds quite like hers. At this point we’re all just waiting on them to attack again.
What was it that struck Adele Shrimpton in the supposedly-benign waters of Tweed River in the land Down Under? Micro-piranha? Rogue aquatic nanobots? Some slightly more realistic but no less terrifying undiscovered species of parasitic water critter? Let us know what you think below!
Categorized:News
