Condemned (2015)
Starring Dylan Penn, Ronen Rubenstein, Lydia Hearst
Directed by Eli Morgan Gesner
We’ve all seen them: those dilapidated, crumbling tenements that some unfortunate souls call home – usually located in larger cities. And the squatters living inside aren’t exactly the world’s most reputable citizens with meritorious contributions to make to society, but these are the ills of overpopulation, crime-infested neighborhoods, and overall poverty on a sweeping scale.
The same can be said for some movies as well – you’ve got your pretty, shiny ones that all the world loves to eyeball, and then you’ve got your detestable, ramshackle, and abhorrent displays that literally sting your peepers when you look deep inside them. For this review, I offer you the latter.
From former skateboarder turned fashion designer, now turned film director Eli Morgan Gesner comes Condemned – the maiden leap off of the big vert ramp into the horror swimming pool, and I’ll simply sum this initiatory venture as scattered, painful to watch in spots, wonderfully gory in others, and overall one giant coagulated, chaotic presentation that will leave many viewers wondering what the hell just happened to the last 80 minutes of their time.
The film stars Dylan Penn, the uber-knockout spawn of Sean Penn and Robin Wright-Penn; she plays Maya, a girl who decides to pay her boyfriend, Dante (Rubenstein), a visit to his place in the big city, where he is shacking up with a couple of bandmates – fledgling rockers live the glamorous life, don’t they? It turns out that Dante’s domicile is the aforementioned crap-castle, stuck dead in the middle of the Manhattan Lower East Side grid and festering with a course congregation of inhabitants whose pastimes include drug dealing and abusing, various stages of dementia, sadomasochistic activities, and generally all-around immoral conduct.
As the film’s backbrace begins to form, we see the indwellers’ darkest vices come to light, and the bodily fluids begin to spray – we’ve got all the pee, poo, puke, and blood (actually, not that much blood) you could hope to see while you’re enjoying a movie snack. The building’s open-ended supply of human waste and garbage is infecting the occupants and reducing them to boil-covered, regurgitating reprobates that love to attack, leaving Maya and her boy-toy to fend for themselves.
As you watch the film, for easily the first 30 minutes or so, you’ll wonder just where in the blue hell this path is leading, and after we’re introduced to the reason for the inane activity from the residents, you’ll probably still wonder where the hell the movie is going, but it will be slightly easier to process… notice I said “slightly” easier? In any event, I’ll give kudos to Gesner for making a leap and ultimately tossing a film out there that will please gorehounds, but this reminded me of a goofier version of Quarantine. The movie’s odder-than-odd initial display of its characters will turn some viewers’ heads the other way, and with a sub-80-minute runtime, by the time the film gets its traction, the credits begin to roll.
When all was said and done, I enjoyed Condemned to a fault, and I am truly a glutton for punishment when it comes to these types of films – now is it worth a replay? Most likely NO, but if you’re looking for that perfect film to make your mother-in-law yack in her purse, this will serve quite nicely.
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Film
Categorized:Reviews
