Shark Lake (2015)
Starring Dolph Lundgren, Sarah Malakul Lane, Michael Aaron Milligan
Directed by Jerry Dugan
If it’s not a clamoring mass of the hungry dead, then it’s a school of bloodthirsty marine animals wreaking havoc upon unsuspecting swimmers, but however you cast your line into the water, it just seems like you end up pulling back an old tire or a clump of algae or, in the case of Shark Lake, a giant brown trout (think about it).
Starring Dolph Lundgren as Clint, an exotic animals dealer – his contemptible crime here (aside from the acting) is when he releases a pilfered, violent bull-shark into a local lake. The results are disastrous to those innocents who’ve simply come to wade in the ol’ aqua… and equally as calamitous to those who’ve chosen to hit the “play” button on this one.
Aided by a local cop (Lane), Clint races against time to try to recapture the aggressive carnivore (which oddly changes in shape and size during the course of the film). Aside from the atrocious acting and extremely slow drags and lags along the storyline, we’ve actually got a fairly decent movie here… jeez, I can’t even lie to myself when it comes to this heap – it’s just bad all around any way you slice it.
We’ve got all of the stereotypical action and sights in this movie – from mindlessly top-heavy lasses in bikinis to “bro-tastic douches” that simply deserve to get masticated until they turn to a fine bloody paste. They’re all around, and they add absolutely nothing to the presentation other than to fill in time between the relentless B-movie miscues and serious lack of rational actions.
Now don’t get me wrong, and I very well might be shooting myself in the foot here, but I really don’t mind a good Dolph Lundgren head-bashing of a movie, ripe with gunplay and ass-kicking, but for some ungodly reason, the sum of all parts just didn’t add up to make this something worth watching. CGI-wise, what you set your eyes upon will give you the illusion that you’re watching something so low-budget there very well might be a high-school A/V class roster running during the closing credits.
Overall, Shark Lake is slightly more entertaining than dunking your head in a bucket of chum, but it’s a trip that I’d much rather skip just to stay on dry land. Bypass this one at all costs.
-
Film
Categorized:Reviews
