Betrothed (2016)
Starring Mikayla Gibson, Jamie B. Cline, Adam Dunnells
Directed by Jim Lane
Look, no one ever said that looking for that special lady you want to spend your days with was an easy task – some people just prefer to take them by force.
Betrothed, the second film from director Jim Lane, gives the viewer a new look at a fad that is sweeping the criminally insanes’ love lives: strong-arm dating. Jokes tossed to the side of the road, the movie focuses on a small, yet extremely twisted family of kooks that truly believe the way to a woman’s heart is to chain her up and MAKE her love you, whether she wants to or not… and if not, may she rest in peace.
Mikayla Gibson plays the sassy and oh-so-cute as a button Audra, who is home from college and, while making a quick stop at an out-of-the-way convenience store, gets kidnapped by the loony Cooper brothers, Adam (Cline) and Nate (Dunnells). Turns out that Audra is next in line for a little backwoods marriage to the homicidal Adam, and controlling the entire show is Ginnie (Bunny Gibson) – the boys’ mother. Needless to say, Mom is nuttier than a squirrel turd. Her plan to find her boys a couple of worthy wives who can breed some kin for her has been met with some opposition from previous candidates, and when that happens, the blood covers the walls quite energetically.
With a detective (Trae Ireland) out of his jurisdiction, a tucked away family member, and the ever so plucky attitude of our flaxen-haired heroine, it looks as if Mama and her boys are in for a bit of trouble, but just how much blood will be spilled before some justice can be served? Upon first inspection, you could say that this one should more than hold its water; yet, once you dip a toe into the tub, you realize that this cinematic cistern is rather shallow. The performances are stale as week-old bread, the gore is uninspired, and the premise wreaks of derived ideas. Only the all-too-short screen presence of Bill Oberst, Jr., is enough to ratchet this one up a notch or two on the mention-meter; otherwise, I’d advise those looking for some solid matchmaking pointers to either sign up for an online dating site, or skip all of the above and head to a Vegas chapel for a quickie ceremony – no muss, no fuss.
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Film
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