Cannibal Farm Review – Being A Vegan Might Not Be Such A Bad Option After All
Starring Kate Marie Davies, Barrington De La Roche, David Lenik
Directed by Charlie Steeds
The act of paying tribute to such an iconic piece of celluloid history like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is no easy task, and when such an opportunity to offer such laudation at the feet of one of the greats is missed, then it makes the situation that much more dispiriting.
Director Charlie Steeds’ Cannibal Farm is one of those hopeful presentations that many horror fans will either clamor to or patiently wait in line to bash ruthlessly, solely based on its artwork alone. Hell, I was champing at the bit to get my hands bloody with this one, but sadly I was left with not much more than a little viscera on my boots when the credits rolled. The movie takes the audience on a sort of healing road trip with the Harver clan, a bit of a dysfunctional family who only manages to drop their electronic tethers long enough to hop in the car and go camping. With a dynamic such as this, would an all-out slaughter be so much of a bad thing, really? The entire group from top to bottom will be ripe for the pickings and its safe to say that I didn’t shed a single tear when the limbs began to separate…but which ones will taste the saw and which will survive?
With a backstory of a bout of bullying gone horribly wrong, we’re introduced to a child that’s grown up with a disfigurement, and a hell of an attitude to boot (not to mention his affinity for sharp implements). I know that over the course of cinematic horror movie history, the thought process of certain characters has been deeply lodged in their pudding-holes, but this particular family…WHOA. It’s honestly a miracle that this group has managed to reproduce without incident, and that’s a stretch – this bunch of boobs skips the logic highway completely and opts to drive down dumb-ass boulevard, seemingly putting themselves in harm’s way at every turn. The only saving grace here is in fact, the brutality, and while it’s not the worst stuff I’ve ever laid eyes on, there are a few cringe-worthy scenes to speak of (or not, for spoiler’s sake).
Performance-wise, there are a couple of really decent portrayals here with Davies and Speak taking the prize-ribbons home for themselves, and while Steeds tries at every expense to make this look like a close-relative to ol’ Leatherface himself, Cannibal Farm ends up like one of those uninvited dinner guests, patiently ringing the doorbell in the hopes that someone will answer and let them in to chow down, brute-style. My advice is to fire up that glorious 1974 classic and let the sound of the saw ring out like an angel’s harp.
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Film
Summary
I think it’s time to head back to the shed and properly lube up the chainsaw before repeated use.
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