ATTACK OF THE SOUTHERN FRIED ZOMBIES Review – Overcooked, Tasteless And Digestively Unsatisfying
Starring Miles Doleac, Kaitlin Mesh, Megan Few
Directed by Mark Newton
Like a funky-assed batch of that dried-out rotisserie poultry that sits on dirty heat rollers at the local gas station, Attack Of The Southern-Fried Zombies is WAY past its expiration date, and the souls responsible for leaving it out for consumption should be firmly reprimanded.
The root source at hand that is the cause of all the trouble is called “Kudzu”, and it’s growing to excess in the tiny town of Charleston, Mississippi. The combative solution resides in the expansive brainpans of the GloboBioTech corporation, and they think they’ve got this one locked down – they’re going to hose down the rapidly spreading vine with their latest concoction: Quadoxin, and needless to say the results are about as effective as pouring syrup on shit to give it that edible look. Duster-pilot Lonnie (Timothy Haug) has already been pre-testing with the chemical, and once it gets its grand-stage chance to fight the Kudzu at the local town fair/celebration, you don’t need a degree to figure out that once the residual spray blows into the crowd, the zombie-fied consequences are disastrous, much like the beginning, middle and end of this film. As you’d expect, we’ve got a colorful melange of moronic heroes that will give it their all in the hopes of quelling this undead uprising…(yawn) – excuse me, on to the show.
Attempts at side-stories and lifeless humor need a serious shock from an available defibrillator, and I’m sorry to say that despite the best efforts from trained personnel, this presentation was officially declared dead on arrival – and that’s not just an unfunny pun. Acting in this one is uninspired, hokey as hell, and just painful to sit through – I’ll usually hunt like a chunky kid at the bakery for that one goodie to reel in, especially when it comes to a film that literally makes me shift in my seat due to my impatient level, but the only thing I could find were a couple of the kills were seen as moderately entertaining. FX and the like are so scattered, and I’m completely down for the whole “indie-production” that takes place during many of these particular films, but this was just so insanely inconsistent with its visuals and character logic (even considering the subject matter). In the end of it all, I could honestly give you about a hundred different zombie flicks to sit and chew on before cracking the lid on this one – keep back at least 200 feet.
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Film
Summary
I could ramble on and on about my general dislike for this film, but it would be better served up with a two-word synopsis: obstinate turd.
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