11/11/11 (2011)
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Starring Jon Briddell, Erin Coker, Hayden Byrerly, Tracy J. Pulliam, Lena La Fratta
Directed by Keith Allan
No. No. No. Not the Darren Lynn Bousman 11-11-11. This is The Asylum’s 11/11/11. You see, there are slashes instead of dashes. I watched it on Amazon Instant Video where the only reader review was from a very pissed off person that thought they were renting the Bousman version. Score another mockbuster victory for The Asylum.
The numbers 666 and 13 are always being attributed to Satan in popular media. This movie sets the record straight. 11 is truly the devil’s number. That number is all anyone ever talks about in this film. The only way you could ever hear more numerology discussions about the number 11 would be to get Louis Farrakhan to do a “Sesame Street” segment on it with The Count.
The young boy at the center of the film is set to turn 11 on 11/11/11, at which time he will transform into the Antichrist. Even before he transforms into the Antichrist, even before he tries to murder his pregnant mom, even before he’s supposed to be turning evil, he’s already displaying abnormal behavior. If anything this movie makes a strong case against homeschooling your children because even if they don’t turn out to be the son of Satan, there’s a good chance they’re going to grow up to become socially crippled weirdos.
Quite frankly, this boy is probably better off in Satan’s hands because his dad is an idiot of biblical proportions. We’re supposed to believe this man is some sort of learned academic professor, a fact I dispute based on this moron’s inability to take even the least subtle of hints. You just moved into a new neighborhood and every single person you meet behaves strangely around your son whose impending birthday they’re already aware of even when they’ve just met your family. People you barely know are constantly making cryptic comments to you regarding your son and the number eleven; many of these people will end up dead soon after. The six giant slashes on the living room wall won’t go away no matter how much you paint over them. Your son is acting even weirder than usual and has begun making accurate premonitions of things to come. The new babysitter who got the job after kicking and stomping the other girl up for the job to death right outside your house is constantly reading your kid a birthday book called “Being 11” that has a two-page entry in it that reads “The devil will be reborn at age 11 on 11/11/11”, which is really not the sort of information one typically expects to come across in children’s literature. Still, this man remains indignant to the situation. Mom at least has the excuse of being bedridden most of the movie dealing with a difficult pregnancy while this allegedly intelligent professor gets slapped between the eyes with an endless barrage of strangeness regarding his son and how others react around him that he responds to with more of a sense of annoyance than concern that maybe there really is something sinister at work.
Since I’m on the subject of perplexing behavior, these Satanists… Even though dad can’t take a hint, anyone that even tries giving him a hint, that person quickly ends up dead. Their agenda is to ensure this kid’s transformation goes off without any interference and will kill to ensure as much. Yet, at the end when the dad is ready to take a machete to his own son, the devil worshipers in the same room are too busy on their knees devil worshiping to try and prevent this man from ruining everything they’ve worked for.
It’s not just Satanists that behave in ways detrimental to their cause. Naturally, there’s an old lady who knows what’s up and instead of actually doing anything about it right away chooses instead to just be another stranger behaving strangely around this boy. Phoning up the dad in the middle of the night and telling him his son must be killed for the sake of mankind is probably not the best way to win him over. She’ll wait until the last second to actually try and do anything, and what she does only makes her come across even crazier than the Satanic cabal she’s trying to stop.
11/11/11 is a movie almost completely devoid of any characters that behave in a rational manner. This actually makes the movie work as a dark comedy more than as a horror movie. There is not a single moment I would describe as scary, but there are several instances where it is absurdly amusing. If you enjoy schlocky horror movies like Amityville 1992: It’s About Time, then you’ll have some fun with this one, assuming the slow pace doesn’t wear you down like it did me. The film gets a second wind of silliness at the end, but getting through the pokey midsection definitely requires some patience.
Just as I would have been more inclined to give The Asylum’s Zombie Apocalypse a more favorable rating had I not been so turned off by the overuse of digital squibs, I probably could give this one a more favorable rating if it had just picked up the pace.
Now that I think about it, back in 1996 The Asylum counter-programmed The Omen remake with its own Omen-inspired cash-in 666: The Child. 11/11/11 is practically a remake of that mockbuster. Even the DVD art is almost identical. My God! The Asylum has begun mockbustering its own mockbusters! These truly are the end times!
2 out of 5
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