THE BRIDE Blu-ray Review – Even Sexy Androgynous Sting Can’t Make this Watchable
Starring Sting, Jennifer Beals, Clancy Brown, David Rappaport
Directed by Franc Roddam
Distributed by Scream Factory
The Bride (1985) isn’t really a horror flick. It’s pretty much a straight drama/romance. Which is to say, despite this being about Frankenstein’s monster and his bride, there’s nothing remotely scary about the film. Also, there’s just a small amount of gore. However, it must be said that it does feature a Dr. Frankenstein played by a sexy androgynous Sting, so it’s got that going for it.
The movie opens basically at the end of the Bride of Frankenstein (1935). The bride, later called Eva (Jennifer Beals), is brought to life in Frankenstein’s laboratory. She freaks out. Frankenstein’s monster doesn’t take her rejection very well and flips out. Chaos ensues. The monster, who goes by the rather confusing name of Viktor (Clancy Brown), scuffles with Frankenstein and eventually flees the castle. From here the narrative splits for most of the remaining running time. Frankenstein spends the movie trying to bed his creation (isn’t he sort of her father? Ewww…), while Viktor meets a dwarf circus performer named Rinaldo (David Rappaport) and the pair take to the road. Does the monster become a circus performer? You bet he does! Hoo boy, how exciting, eh?
So, you might be asking, “Why would sexy androgynous Sting want to bed a monster? Couldn’t he do a lot better?” Well, Eva might be a corpse raised from the dead, but she has nary a scratch on her. Wouldn’t want to scuff Jennifer Beals, would we? Since Viktor is scarred and identifiably a monster, it really makes you wonder: were there several women before Eva, or did he only need one try? Since the difference between Viktor’s appearance and Eva’s is so stark, I can only conclude that there is a pile of dead women in various stages of deformity buried somewhere on the Frankenstein property.
But enough weird fanboy speculation. While The Bride isn’t boring, it sure as hell is a whole lot of average. Franc Roddam’s directing is quite stilted, and he cares far more about the costumes and scenery than the script or acting. Lloyd Fonvielle’s story is more than serviceable and could have made a decent movie had it been directed with any energy. But the film is at such an emotional distance from its characters that it comes off as quite disinterested. Which is bad in two ways: Frankenstein’s monster isn’t a smart guy, so every defining personality trait is based on his emotions. Also, Sting is supposed to be filled with a fiery passion for Eva. We kind of need some emotion there, too.
One of the few things that makes the film worth watching is David Rappaport’s performance. He plays Rinaldo, the dwarf circus performer and only friend to Viktor. He has an enthusiasm that the rest of the performers don’t. No surprise, then, that he’s at the center of one of the most touching scenes in the film. Actually, there is one more thing: Sting makes a great “man you love to hate.” This might be more surprising to some than others. It did not surprise me.
The emphasis on the visual makes The Bride a very pretty movie to look at. Stephen H. Burum’s cinematography is occasionally gorgeous, especially when he’s working with light that breaks up darkness. But, of course, none of this matters if the narrative isn’t engaging.
If you’re a fan of this film, the Scream Factory special edition released last month has you covered. The special features include a two-part interview with Clancy Brown. Each segment is about twenty minutes. Brown is a charming guy, and I very much liked what he had to say about the movie. Hell, I enjoyed listening to him more than the movie itself.
There’s also a thirty-minute interview with Franc Roddam, who is very honest about the movie’s flaws. He seems to recall every detail of the film’s production thirty years later. His commentary track is equally detailed. If you have any questions about the production, they will
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The Bride
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Special Features
Summary
The Bride is an seriously underwhelming take on the Frankenstein mythos.
