Séance (DVD)
Reviewed by Uncle Creepy
Starring Adrian Paul, Kandis Erickson, Joel Geist, A.J. Lamas
Directed by Mark L. Smith
Distributed by Lionsgate Home Entertainment
Man, look at that cover art! It’s pretty damned good, huh? Even the tag-line: “Be careful what you bring back”. I love ghost stories, and to say I was enticed would be an understatement. All this, coupled with the fact that it was coming from the writer of Vacancy (review here), which was a fairly competent little thriller, meant we could possibly have something here. And indeed we do! We have good cover art and little else. UGH. Here we go again.
Séance, not to be confused with the far superior Japanese film Séance (review here), tells the tale of a bunch of college kids who live in a dorm that’s supposedly haunted by the ghost of a little girl who died tragically there many moons ago. Our otherworldly trickster would spend her time moving stuff and just generally spooking folks, but it was never apparent what she wanted. Ever hear the saying “curiosity killed the cat”? Well, in this case our band of stupid students use a Ouija board to try to communicate with the dead girl. Unfortunately for them, once they opened that channel to the Netherworld, something else strolled on through. Something deadly. THE GHOST JANITOR!!! *cues spooky music*
What a friggin’ mess.
Though things start off promisingly enough, as soon as the ghosts appear, things go downhill at a breakneck pace. There’s no fun to be had here. No real gore and, sinfully enough, not a single good scare to be found anywhere. The biggest problem? The spirits are about as threatening as someone (not Michael Myers) wearing a white sheet with eye-holes cut into it. They look like regular folks. What’s scary about a normal looking Janitor? What’s he gonna do, menace you with his mop? And the little girl ghost? Here’s the kicker. Director Mark L. Smith’s rendition of scary is to have a sweet-faced little girl walk around semi-wide-eyed while tilting her head to the right. OH MY! Can you not just feel shivers heading down your spine at the mere thought? Here’s a tip, filmmakers … if you have spooks in your film (unless you’re going for the whole family friendly thing), it may help to have them be spooky. What we have here is a very flaccid ghost story with about as much bite as a 90-year-old man who lost his dentures.
In terms of special features, saints be praised, we are mercifully spared any further investigation of this atrocious affair.
Upon close inspection of the back cover, Séance earned itself some laurels. It won a prize at the Digital Film Festival at Eureka Springs and a Horror Genre Award(!) at Shockerfest in Modesto. I’ll make you guys a deal — remind me never to go to those places, and I’ll remind you to avoid crap like this for as long as I’m able to type. Deal? Good!
Special Features
1 1/2 out of 5
Special Features:
1 out of 5
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